Rebound Relationships

Rebound relationships are characteristically coded as negative, seen as  going into another relationship being neither ready to let go of the previous relationship or to enter into a new one. Lingering feelings from the broken relationship or unresolved issues are seen to cloud any judgment of new feelings towards the next Eve or Adam. A relationship started in the rebound timeline is usually seen as a house built of hay (remember the English folktale of the Three Little Pigs that built a house out of hay? :)).

It is generally perceived that a rebound relationship is one in which a person enters into consciously or unconsciously to avoid dealing with the feelings, usually difficult, of a just ended relationship. A relationship that has come to an end will usually elicit negative feelings: feelings of sadness, rejection, remorse, disappointment, etc. Even where the end of a relationship can bring relief to one or both parties (good riddance to bad things), there is almost always some sense of dejection, even if it is short-lived or late in coming.

One trouble with rebounding is that you could be headed for the ‘déjà vu’ relationship, without necessarily seeing it. Some of the things that attracted you to your previous partner(s) may be the same things that draw you into the rebound relationship; however, your senses only pick up the excitement, fun, newness and forget to see the telltale signs that you are supposedly walking away from. That may be a tricky part of the journey, one that may take some time to see.

Now, it is said that people should not enter into rebound relationships because they are not ready for a commitment after breaking up with someone else. I tend to agree; walking out of one relationship immediately into another one for commitment is like walking off the sand on the shore and expecting to walk on water without drowning; you need something to keep you afloat and at such a time, your swimming skills may not be at the astute level you need them to be.

There are many reasons why people enter into rebound relationships: they may have met someone interesting, they may be looking for quick healing, may be they just want to have fun and not wallow in the sad aftermath of a lost relationship, they may be looking for a boost to their self esteem, etc. So it comes as no surprise that people may choose to enter into so called rebound relationships and although they get a lot of bad press, let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water.

There are some affirmative things to be said about relationships in the rebound timeline. For one, they are new relationships; we all know how new relationships can be. They evoke feelings of excitement, attraction, they tag at those strings inside us that say “I am wanted’; sometimes, they counteract the very negative feelings that one may have after a broken relationship. That can lead to a lot of fun, sometimes messy fun but it is this thrill that draws people into such a relationship.

So take it for what it is. This is not to say that a rebound relationship cannot morph into something serious – ask Shania Twain – she’s seven years into her rebound marriage :). Sometimes, people enter into rebound relationships without revealing that they have just walked out of another relationship and when things go astray, the negative feelings that they felt are only echoed. Some of the best advice I have heard about entering into a rebound relationship is to be honest with the other person about it. Sure you may fret that they may walk away when you tell them, but if they choose to stick around, at least they know where you’re coming from.

It might also to help to take things slow and get to know each other, be open about feelings of insecurity or worry about the future of the relationship.

Have your say!

By Joyce

10 thoughts on “Rebound Relationships

  1. I agree that sometimes we enter into rebound relationships consciously or unconsciously…sometimes after a breakup all you want is something/someone to take your mind off him( in Eve’s case). We don’t think straight during such times and we are very vulnerable. A rebound is bound to happen and sometimes the best way to avoid temptation is to keep off the social scene for a while cos your’re likely to meet some good Adams.

    My take.

  2. Interesting read
    I always advice my lady friends never to get themselves into a rebound relationship.Its a sure way of one getting hurt. I have seen many do that and 99% the relationships are disastrous to all parties involved.
    Ladies be warned please don’t ever try rebound relationships

  3. I agree that rebound relationship scare everyone- those involved and even those around them….but i have to ask….
    Where would someone draw the line to know that it is a rebound? Take for example two people who have been in a relationship that was not working out,and probably both parties agreed to part ways……….technically it means that the relationship was dead even even they decided to kill it,so if they moved on to other relationships,would this still be considered a rebound?

    • I think it is hard to draw the line…it is only if you are in that very space that you can tell where it is going and what the stakes are….it may turn out to be something awesome or it may not. Life is about taking informed chances :)

  4. Rebound WITHIN the relationship. Now that is where the fireworks are.

    At least once every two months, I perform an act that really pisses off the lady I do Mathogothanio with. Having being doing this, mathogothanio, with her since 1998, I have perfected the art of really pissing her off.

    The fun begins during the make up, or in this case the rebound? But then again, I am not very good wtih relationships, so there.

  5. allow me 2 put my two cents. First cent, this blog is vry interesting, keep up the stellar work.
    2nd cent, as far as matters of the heart are concerned, common sense hardly prevails hence its upto the individual 2 choose 4 themselves whether 2 take the plunge into a rebound relationship or keep skirting the shoreline..

    • Hey Ebony,good to have you here and glad that you find the blog interesting. Feel free to foward the link to your friends .
      You make a valid point re about choosing whether to plunge in or keep skirting :)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s