The Bachelor

Reality TV seems to be the in-thing now since every channel seems to dedicate a substantial amount of time on these shows and we the public have an insatiable hunger for these vanities. I watch the show called the Bachelor and hopefully I do not need to give details about it because I hope I am addressing an audience that is hungry for reality TV 🙂 . In short, this is that show where the guy is so spoilt for choice. A guy (almost always a good looking one) is hoarded into a house with some 25 beautiful and not so beautiful women, tries to get to get to know them but not without bringing the hopes of many of them to a grinding halt by sending them out of his castle and finally ends up with his chosen four who he gets to know better and finally chooses the one woman he would like to get to know better (again!) or even give what we hope is a genuine gem/stone!

This is the first day of the season of Bachelor season 6:). This Bachelor is not challenged vertically; he stands at about 6 feet, looks kind of nice and is trying to act composed. A limo pulls up to the parking, the contestants come out one by one, in hue-stunning dresses in all shapes and sizes (actually, there is a certain range of sizes – one needs to take just carrot soup for one month if they are to fit in some of the dresses). Some hug him, some shake hands, some are so awed by the bachelor they are not sure if to shake his cheeks or kiss his hand ;). Each of them unleashes lines that seem like they are rehearsed only that the line “glad to meet you” is repeated more than 3 times in the pleasantries. It’s called being nervous. I mean who would not be, if all your hopes are pegged to this tower of a guy and here you are thrown into a house with 24 others to ‘fight it out’? And there is no script for you? 😦

On this day, 15 women must be sent home and the criteria is random I guess since he can’t remember most of them by name. So my guess is that this is dependent on two things: the physical, and secondly, if you do not say something stupid. I imagine that silence also could get you sent out because you have to make the bachelor feel like you want to be with him. The problem with this is that talking too much can lead you to say something stupid, see how difficult it is? 😉

Since this is a huge crowd, the girls are in groups; the bachelor goes to each group, introduces himself and says he is a doctor. The girls’ faces light up like ‘this is good DNA!’ and some just stare tongue tied. Others seem to naturally attract his attention. But this interactive session was a disaster for one of the women. Bachelor moves to the next group. In this group, one of the ladies is a doctor and she looks like she is about to say something unintelligent.

She does not mince her words:

Lady doc: “I am a doctor too”

Bachelor: Looks surprised and asks her “what are you specializing in?”

Lady doc: “I am an oncologist”. The bachelor is an ER doctor.

I mean you do not just become an oncologolist; this woman has brains. So it gets me thinking that if these two hook up, they could just produce a kid who could unlock the missing code to major scientific breakthroughs.

Bachelor: “that’s great”. At this point, I can’t tell what is going on in his head but the lady seems to believe that since the rest are kindergarten teachers, sales executives, students etc, she has an edge.

Lady doc:  “I would just like you to know that I am ready to go to the next level in my life”, (she pauses), then says “entering the reproductive phase and I am wondering if you are ready, because I am right here.”

The table goes silent; some girls giggle, the bachelor is all flushed, probably wondering what to tell this woman who it seems like is about to lay her eggs right there and then. Finally, after awkward silence, the bachelor tells her something to the effect that she did well to come out and try. And at this point, I am almost sure the scientific breakthrough will have to wait 🙂

Finally, the moment of truth arrives. The girls line-up, no wine glasses – no more laughs, everyone looks so tense, wondering who will be chopped off. No prize for guessing that the Bachelor was going to guard his swimmers from this woman who is ready to sentence him to fatherhood. The oncologist is sent home in round one but she has tough skin! She calls the bachelor aside and wants to know why he did not choose her. Bachelor tells her the truth, which is his ‘swimmers’ have not yet migrated from his knees; he is not in ‘that phase’.

The blizzard of words begins. “So what the &%$%#% are you doing calling all these *&&%^%$ beautiful ladies and all you say is you are not!#$@%& ready to settle and reproduce. Tell me, am I too short? Are my boobs too small? What is the problem?” (Her pitch rising, the house is now extra quiet). The bachelor is still standing, probably thinking she must have forgotten to take her psychiatric medicine. She walks out uttering more unprintable words, gets into the limo and cries her mascara out. Sigh….

I guess this is what happens when you go after hope and not opportunity (look out for this post soon). There it is ladies. Lesson one: Unless the man brings up the issue of live eggs and his sperm uniting, by all means, no matter how broody you are, for the life of me, do not mention it. He will scatter…..BOLT in fact! Lesson two: it seems no one is very keen to take your brain to the bedroom after all.

Have your say!

By Fridah

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12 thoughts on “The Bachelor

  1. Hi, Yes it is true, women have no brains but hearts. The more brainy you are the more hearts you crack!!!!

    • Wolololo…………….what do you mean women have no brains? We are taking it personal 🙂

  2. Good start. hatutaki kupangwa! Believe it or not, men have a plan and know exactly where we are headed.

    • hehehe,I think all the lady was doing was to lay out her action plan. Or Adams do not want an action plan?

  3. I will take the brainy lass anytime. Just do not practice your brainyness at home. Oh and she is feisty. I love them that way.

    Such is the profound pity I do not plan to get hitched. Ever.

  4. Restoring Sanity in Relationships (Top of the page, rigth hand corner).

    I am allegic to relationships. Am I welcome here?

  5. I dare say that this Adam’s ‘swimmers’ were not ready to move from the deep-end to the ‘baby pool’……

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