How To Lose A Woman In Seconds

Adam, if you are having second thoughts about a certain Eve you’ve been seeing and you’re looking for a way to let her go, this is not it……BUT read on as it will come in handy with the woman you want. After being submitted to a great misfortune of seeing a couple kissing at the back of a bus one evening, it was imperative that we have a say on this. [Yes, they do that in Nairobi these days and it probably comes with the elusive promise of an upgrade to a metropolis :)].

This Eve was seemingly seriously smitten by her Adam (why else would you invade public privacy by displaying affection inside a bus?). She turned towards Adam, who had his eyes customarily shut (what a romantic!) and as he closed in on her face, his anaconda of a tongue rolled out and did what only in his world would be considered as kissing. I recoiled, looked away horrified and hoped that she was getting something else out of this!

Never underestimate the power of a kiss: with very few exceptions, a kiss is a major determinant for Eves on whether they would like to take things to the next level. Eve may already have thought about having kids with you in the future or letting you into the cookie jar, but if all an Adam can conjure up is a bad kiss, Eve is likely to pull emergency excuses out of her purse faster than Caster Semenya sprints off after the gunshot! Whilst for Adams it is easy to get past a bad kiss and eagerly move on to the next base, most Eves find it hard to get past a bad kiss. It is the key to the abundance of sensual possibilities and therefore the thought in our heads is ‘if he can’t master the art of kissing, what hope is there for other manual expressions?’

In the same vein that Adam finds it hard to tell Eve that he is just not that into her and lets her read the wall, Eve too finds it is extremely difficult to tell Adam that he is a lousy kisser – so read the signs. She avoids your mouth and may be moves on to other parts of your body; she never initiates kissing or the kiss ends as soon as it starts, and if she tells you that you should just be friends after the first kiss, please know that hope may be in the ICU.

In case you are wondering what constitutes a bad kiss, here’s a start: stop licking her face, Eve does not have an affinity for drool; don’t excavate the rear of her buccal cavity – she has a dentist for that; and those repeated loud smacks?, lose them, you are no woodpecker. And by the way, if it is a kiss in public, why is your tongue out in the first place?

The good news is that all is not lost. Some Eves will ‘coach’ their Adams in the hope that he’s a good and quick learner and the day is saved. But this class might quickly translate into a ‘failed launch’ if Adam is not aware of the tips above, below and elsewhere. There are a lot of helpful tips out there on how to fine tune kissing techniques, so Adams search and ye shall find. (A search engine produces 1,700,000 results in 0.7 sec!!)And we all thought that global warming, volcanic ash and financial crisis were the top most worries in the planet today?

image from

Here’s a start: whilst this may be almost as impossible as sneezing with your eyes open, it might be worth opening your eyes at some point; you might lock eyes and make everything that much more intimate. At the least, you may be able to read if you need to up your kissing game. If you feel her changing the kissing act, follow the lead. Keep the hardest bone in the body (your teeth!) out of the game. And if you realize your act isn’t working, just ask her what she likes, you will score points for it – promise. 

Eves, the call here is for you to give helpful tips to Adams [the scathing dissection sessions can be side-splitting, but we could do with less of them 🙂


12 thoughts on “How To Lose A Woman In Seconds

    • mhhh, interesting read…yu forgot to mention those that stick out their tongue in eve’s mouth expecting to be lollipoped after a meal. its a kin to making eve a toothbrush 😦

      • hahahhaha ati sticking their tongue out? One Eve once told me that an Adam kissed her,and afetr she arrived at home,the first thing to do was to wash her face! lol.

  1. The Kiss department has never been my strong point. SHE is the one who demands that I kiss her, which means in that regard, there is no problem. Frankly, I prefer the mathogothanio we perform when the lights are out.

    In any case, I have been doing mathogothanio with only one lady since 1998 and I have no complaints so far. Talk of being a zero grazer.

  2. Manual expressions ha!!!!
    This post better have lots of hits cos bad kissing is usually a deal breaker!
    Lol @mathogothanio ha ha seriously loving this blog

  3. lol, excavating her buccal cavity! Is it ever that serious? And the imagery that came to mind when you described the tongue-out experience (his anaconda of a tongue rolling out…) has scarred me for life:-|

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