The Damper on Things

Now this one is a tough one. Girl meets boy, everything seems all nice: he makes her laugh, he calls, sends those ‘pointless’ text messages – then voilá! All over sudden, Adam won’t call or send a text message. It is now 12 days and I am counting – she is not :). Precarious situation – she will not call him because she called him last, they had a nice chat and that was it. I am tempted to tell her to call him, but she is the kind that believes in trying for the first and second times, and not the third – you cannot transfuse a dead horse! 🙂

If only it would ring.....

First damper on things: ‘he won’t communicate’, and then Eve is tempted to speculate. The authors of “He’s Just Not That Into You” will say ‘just move on’! Find another. But humanly speaking I was tempted, so I asked why or rather I wanted her to speculate. She did not know what the issue was/is; the last time they were together, everything seemed O.K. and they parted on a good note. Surely someone deserves to know why the “good morning”, “good night” “how is your day”? text messages became extinct? This being one of my favorite girlfriends, I feel like storming into that Adam’s skull, pasting sense in his head and then walking to lay in wait – from a distance – see if he will produce a better response.

Then from the blue, I am reminded of Toni Braxton’s song ‘Pulse’; she will not give up on love – well these two had not loved, but they seemed to be ‘headed in the right direction’. She was willing to take it step by step. You know when they say ‘do not meet a guy and psychologically start having kids with him’? Yeah, she stands by that school of thought although I had started ‘measuring the drapes’ for her. How can I not measure drapes (make plans for a big do) when I know she is into the guy, and the guy seemed to be giving correct vibe. Look, this guy took her to a very romantic resort, for a weekend, now this could have been serious effort to get into the ‘cookie jar’ but I have to give the Adam some points for effort. So I think you can understand why I was keen to know what the hell was going on now. You know they say that initial stages are like electricity, then the relationship ‘settles’ and then begins the downward stretch (and for some it can be a long stretch). Now this one started off with fireworks and just combined all the stages together into one mega anti-climax.

Then there is my Adam buddy – he actually loved a certain Eve. Eve got a job in Dubai and all she could tell him was ‘let me go and we will see what happens’. This was in answer to Adams question ‘so, where do we stand because I would like for us to continue dating?’ What a hands off answer! A lot is wrong with that answer and it is not the fine print. Adam pours his heart out and all he gets is ‘let’s see what happens’? Second damper on things: ‘when she will not say what she feels.’ See what happens’ is so broad it spans all the way to the North Pole and back! This Adam tells me that people make things happens – they just don’t happen. What do you expect to happen? Hark, the voice of an archangel telling you to go back to this Adam? 🙂

So this Adam has deciphered the codes – he has been let go softly. I think I agree because if Eve wants an Adam, I am almost sure that such utterances like “let’s see what happens” will not come up. And if they do, just know that the wheels were pointing in the wrong direction even before Dubai happened. I am just saying.

Back to the drawing board, he must get some energy (it seems to me that just thinking about it needs energy), identify another worthy Eve ( good luck!) and make his intentions known to her, and hope she will not bolt to Mexico and unleash those’ let me cross the border and then we will see what happens’. Sometimes we have to spin the wheels in the direction we want them to point, if you know what I mean.

These were bad times for my two good friends from Mars and Venus. I am seated here asking myself if hope still has a pulse or imejitia kitanzi (hope has strangled itself).

Have your say!

By Fridah


14 thoughts on “The Damper on Things

  1. My point of departure with your post – that relationship shall not at all times have `synchronised ` partners or feelings. At times one partner may feel disinterested and if the other partner gives up then it would spell the death of the relationship. So it is not really a bad idea for a girl to call a man for the third time or for the guy to ride a camel to Dubai once in a while.

  2. Lol re ride a camel to Dubai! Me thinks that hope should take some valium and take some chances (call the guy, ride the camel) but when the writing is written on the wall, you have to know when to read the vital signs.

    • Yeah like Bezingo says,we have all been there,i guess in life we have to take chances- the trick is to know whether the chance exists or not- as in is there hope?

  3. ha ha ha i loooove the picture! We have all been there( well, be honest)these periods of waiting for Adam to call can be painful:( as you call it -mega anti-climax ( are there Adams reading this ?:)

  4. It’s not a perfect world so both scenarios are normal. People fall in love, fall out of love, circumstances change et al. The only thing that doesn’t change in life is change itself. The only issue here might be the failure/refusal/reluctance to communicate.

  5. In matters of love there is no right way or wrong way. You may know that this relationship is doomed and yet you just cannot let go.

    I believe that in the first scenario Adam mis- read some signal and was perhaps scared off. Something happened and he felt he wasn’t able to go on. Eve simply must call – and put him right. She must also consider whether a man who flees to the hills at the sound of thunder can build a future for her.

    The Dubai camel has now left the station. I would ask both parties in this scenario to consider their pas relationship as a lovely “holiday romance”. Hols are over now and if Adam wants to avoid heartache and tears for both of them then he must head anywhere else but to the desert.

  6. “She must also consider whether a man who flees to the hills at the sound of thunder can build a future for her” this one made me smile

  7. you hit the nail right on the head or is it taking the bull by the horns, relations are too confusing nowadays. right now im fresh fro ma relationship and ill just lay low see what fate has in store.

  8. Well, this is certainly tricky, lots of gray zones here. In the first issue concerning the adam that has suddenly gone” a.w.o.l”, it’s hard for eve to decide wether to call or not, she calls, then there’s the issue of appering a bitys tinsy needy etc, she doesn’t call,and she may appear to be aloof(when actually she isn’t since this situation is paining her) but I think unless the adam refuses to pick her phonecalls, aibu kando, she should call and discuss her feeling and her take on the situation, coz relatioships are hard and the only thing that makes them manageble is communication( unless one is psychic)…but I just saying, as for the second situation concerning the dubai/camel ussue , me thinks the writing is on the wall- adam should cut his losses and move on, at time we have to be prepared to let go of what we have in order to get what we want.

    • Long time Collins,thanks for dropping by.
      True,as you say,some situations are tricky. I think much as Eves would like to keep communication going,this thing called rejection ( aibu kando) is hard to handle. Maybe she prefers not to call and to take in the signs slowly as they come.But then again,who knows,she might call and realise that according to Adam,things are still cool :)…………

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