Relationships can be likened to the entire process of taking a driving test, at least the part that you must understand what each sign means. If you sat with a driving instructor and as you drive there is a sign showing ‘rocks falling’, you might want to be extra careful. But how often do we fail to see these signs in our own lives and even more so in our relationships?
It really is never true that one day you wake up and find that the love of your life is cold and indifferent; so many Adams and Eves struggle to understand their significant other but fail to take into account the glaring signs in front of their eyes…even when the sign clearly says “STOP” in red. Let me illustrate.
Eve knew she had found the love of her life, when her eyes looked into Adam, everything about him seemed perfect. A few months after they had bumped into each other at a mutual friend’s party, they had hit off as if their genetic makeup had similar codes. His interests seemed to shadow what she adored; he proved her wrong many times like the first time he had asked for her number, in her mind she was thinking “who ever really calls back?” with such doubts in mind, she was sure her number would be amongst the hundreds of contacts in his phone book that just had first names like ‘Liz pretty’ or ‘ Pauline gorgeous’ but whose face he could hardly remember….but shock on her, this Adam actually did call back. Adams distinctive voice rang in her ears.
Six months on, her face radiated – who said you needed anti-aging cream to smooth out the wrinkles and bring the glow on? Adam was her prescription fair and square! And so Eve went on to update her status on face book proclaiming she ‘met an angel’ and that miracles really never ended with the Ascension. Her life had just been upgraded and as far as she was concerned, there was no speed limit on this highway, things were on cruise control.
Here is the twist…….
By nature Adams tend to dominate in relationships and often will communicate very well with signs rather than words unlike Eves whose heartfelt feelings will always be verbally expressed; many words!
When her friends asked her why she had ‘switched them off’, she thought to herself that they were ‘haters’, jealous that her love life had taken a right turn; but this is really where her first test fail began for friends at times serve as rear view mirrors, pointing out things you could be blind to, when your efforts are focused on the road and the how heavenly the ride feels; you fail to notice such little things which friends would kindly point out that could give you food for thought.
Adams have mastered the art of using signs, and some, just like road signs are easy to ignore, after all who really slows down if a sign ahead says ‘trade winds ahead’ – what the hell are ‘trade winds’ anyway? Or a sign ahead says ‘slippery road’ or ‘sharp bend ahead’ – don’t we usually think that we can take the risk and navigate?
It is strange but the same could be said of relationships, it is never about whether you have missed the sign but how many signs have you ignored and moved ahead and what risk waits you. Let’s get back to Eve.
For Eve, her perfect picture was her ‘knight in shining armor’ bended on one knee. Adam had gone to great lengths to show her that his life was now with her in the picture and in her mind she could not wait to say ‘I do’; she had pictured that moment a thousand times and each time her heart pounded harder and louder, she was not sure her legs would hold. For Adam, he knew his time was slowly closing in on him: the look his parents gave him every time he went home for Christmas shouted one word a million times – ‘grandchildren!’ His father was convinced that it was the money and the car he drove that he valued more than their wish! He was on a mission – maybe just like Eve but for different reasons.
Eve announced to the whole world thanks to a send button on her page. Soon her mailbox kept flashing red; she had only used five words and a picture of Adam on one knee…’He proposed…I said yes!’
Who knew how many people kept their fingers on their phones…it was like a keypad fire had been lit. Eve was so focused on the moment she did not notice that Adam’s face did not exactly seem to glow as hers did. Eve chose to drown in the moment, the excitement almost palpable and her blood seemed to have been turbo charged. After all, her dream of a white wedding and horse carriage with a Victorian theme was right in her palms.
Not even the red lights that kept flashing wildly could stop her. Adam’s routine did not change and it was almost as if she was going to wed herself as she scrambled to plan and diarising all important commitments that needed to be seen to. It’s funny that when you are on the road, signs only seem like statues, erected to add glamor to the road and break the monotony of the ride; we forget that they actually can save a life.
For example, if only this Eve had paid more attention, she would have noticed that Adam’s life had not exactly changed even though he was now engaged. He lived his football craze, late nights or even entire nights out, the hookups with the boys were still a routine and though occasionally she tagged along, it was never really that she’d been invited nor begged to come; but she had given ‘that look’ when he said they were going on a road trip with the boys and her Adam had merely replied, “you can come if you like” – very ironical because it meant that it wasn’t that he’d love to have her go…it was if she felt like… signs! On the trip, Eve only seemed like baggage, tagging along when the body language clearly said she was not wanted…but who cares about the signs?
But there are signs that you cannot ignore. For instance, if the sign says ‘road closed’ or ‘no through way’, do you still drive hoping that whoever put the sign on the road was only joking? That maybe there is a through way that you’ll find all the same? It’s only when you realise that it was not a joke but the road actually does end that it hits you…but who is to blame?
Relationships are full of signs, we only chose which ones to pay attention to, often ignoring some of the most critical ones. No matter what you do, finally it comes to pass, only that it may be too late when you have already covered so much mileage, you are already out of gas and the ‘fuel gauge is blinking red’ – ‘irreconcilable differences’.
The signs are always right in front of us…some may be spoken but more often it is the unspoken that are the loudest. If only we could all open up not only our hearts, but minds too and read the signs.
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By Newton – guest writer