Vital Signs

In medicine, one of the things that medics look out for when managing a patient are Vital signs. Just like in medicine, a relationship has ‘vital signs’. In other words, signs to look out for in order to know that the relationship is alive or is in the ‘ICU’ or it died and therefore need to remove ‘life support’ :(. So how is Eve supposed to know that an Adam is into her? This is one question is that is asked over and over again and often times, Eves come up with all sort of reasons why he isn’t calling or why she don’t hear from him anymore. Adams speak volumes by their actions or inaction; they are not good at laying it out in words (that’s why I LOVE YOU is three words short!).

So Eves, there is nothing new really, just an attempt to put down some signs that may help demystify that area. Of course all signs depend on how long the relationship has been going on because if it you met last week and you have a list of demands and endless questions,then you are the one who needs a reality check ;). Sometimes it can be hard to read the signs, so even these signs must be taken with a big dose of wisdom :).

Vital sign no. 1 is communication. If a guy calls you regularly and randomly, he is into you – This means that you have taken up a large part of his grey matter 😀 (PS. a guy who calls you hourly is likely to be a stalker or lunatic). If he doesn’t call you when he says he will or at all, and you probably think that the reason why he is not calling or texting is that he dislocated his finger; his 10 fingers are still intact but chances are he’s not that into you. If it turns out that you are the one who is keeping communication going in the relationship or initiating chat all the time, there is cause for alarm. For example, if at times he is still online but tells you that he is busy, busy? And still online? Does he work for yahoo? The line ‘I lost my phone and therefore could not remember your phone number’ has outlived its shelf life; does he have a good reason why he cannot recite your phone number backwards :)?

Vital sign no. 2: If he wants to spend time with you and makes time for you, it’s a sign that he is into you and he enjoys your company. Everyone will agree that spending time together is vital in any relationship- it is the only way to ensure that you continue to know each other and do not become strangers. In this fast paced life sometimes it can be hard to get time to spend together .So people have to get creative. Making time includes for example; driving you home, braving the traffic jams just to have some time with you. Big smile on your face if he takes time out of his favourite pastime to be with you. So you now know that if he told you he is busy almost every weekend-weekend! because he is discussing business deals with his boys, unless they are discussing how to export souls, there is no discussion happening!

Vital sign no. 3: A man who is into you and who is ready to commit will introduce you to his ring of friends and more specifically,’ the boys’ (hoping you are not dating a lone ranger); he will not only be telling them that the ‘territory’ is marked, not much unlike how territorial animals pass the word around the herds and prides but it shows that he is interested and is looking for the opinion of people who matter to him. The boys will know to respect you as the ‘queen’. If he introduces you as a friend, or simply as ‘Wangeci’ then that is just who you are to him. This of course depends on how long you have known each other.

Vital sign no. 4: Is physical and the way he treats you. No, fondling your assets in public is not what we are talking about here, think more intimate stuff such as looking into your eyes and holding that gaze (eye contact, not staring at the ‘twins’); holding your hand in public etc. All the ‘nots’ on physical vital signs indicate that the man probably just wants to have a taste of ‘your cookie jar’. As one blogger told us here the other day, “there is PDA and there is PDA”. The way he treats is all about making you feel wanted and appreciated. People communicate love differently, so it is hard to give examples here but this includes valuing your opinion, respecting your feeling and being considerate.

Vital sign no. 5: If you have been seeing a guy for a couple of months now, you are of age, are stable in your jobs, and all you do is go on coffee dates, think again if you want to drink coffee for another 2 years. Either he sees the angel in you and can’t wait to make you his (depending on if you are the tie the knot type and if this is what you are looking for in a relationship or dating), or he has not seen it in you and he is still searching. Any aloofness, unexplained silence, unanswered questions or other forms of ‘incoherence’ are signs that do not need to be elaborated on.

Vital sign no. 6: is family. No, not of the pair you (yeah you are probably feeling ‘broody’), but his family. If you are in the same country and he talks about his mum and family as if they are in Guantanamo bay and therefore you cannot meet them, then it is time to send yourself packing before he does. Yes, you meet the boys before you meet family.

Vital sign no. 7: Mention of ‘us’ and ‘we’ this is only manifested by an Adam who knows for sure he has found the Eve he has been looking for. He will ask you what your future plans are with the hope of trying to synchronise his plans with yours and refers to the pair of you as ‘us’/‘we’. When the guy talks like this, you need to find a gown !

To Adams, any other signs out there Eves can look out for? 🙂

By Fridah


19 thoughts on “Vital Signs

  1. Just an opinion though, I read somewhere that the direction of any relationship for the greater percentage rests with Eves. It doesn’t matter in what package the Adam comes wrapped in, if Eve is just not into him then even if a nuclear catastrophy would be the much needed bargaining chip for her acquiscence, it would be a nothing doin scenario. I have always wondered why Eve’s don’t use this facility to their utmost advantage. It is your call Eves, not ours.

    • This opinion has been written, read and spoken of a number of times but it does beg the question whether ‘it takes two tango’ is a buried saying……if it is, Eves are disappointed that they were not invited to its wake :).
      PS ….44 is confused by the ‘ours’ 😉

  2. Ladies,Women,Girls,

    Bare Knuckle.

    Let the man be the hunter. Stop trying to help us. We know what we want. and believe it or not, we TELL you straight up what we want. Just LISTEN to exactly what I am saying. Stop imagining what I am saying just take it straight. If I love you, I will tell you exactly that! If I dont, then just hold out. I am not in a hurry so do not rush me. Many times I want to be sure before I commit ( well unless all I want is the Cookie jar). Men, unlike women, do not fall in love with you the person in a day ( we are free to lust though). We adore the face and the assets but we do not see beyond that on the first date. I want to take my time and learn who you are and more so WHY YOU and not her. So it is best for you to keep marketing yourself and to accept that we are MEN. We just want to take time and learn you. SO the bst you can be is honest. We can tell you know. Pushing to find out why I am not giving you the ring and getting jittery reminds us of the stock broker who tells you that you have no other option but to buy the stocks he is offering you. We all know how that ends.

    The fact that I keep seeing you means that there is something about you that fascinates me. If you are smart enough to find out what it is, then you have a better chance. The fact that I let you meet my friends, family is a big thing for us. How I introduce you is even bigger, but with time you will get there.

    In all, the mistake I see may women making is trying to understand us from the point of view of women. You use your womanness to judge a man. It is like trying to use a cow’s traits to judge a donkey. It will not work.
    Ladies,Women Girls, never get tired of marketing yourselves. Just like t is the curse of man to eat from the toil of his hand ( and so provide for you) your curse is that your deire will be for your man. So appreciate it and enjoy it, just llike we try to ‘enjoy’ ours.

    • @Bwenyenye, quite bare knuckle but it’s not clear where the ‘signage’ is……there is still a lot to decipher “If you are smart enough to find out what it is, then you have a better chance.”….which would make sense with the whole hunting analogy since rarely does the hunter let the hunted know that they are about to make them prey and all. To be fair though, this is not a simple hunting incognito scenario, it’s about two people trying to be together. Clearly getting jittery and pushing Adam may not end well but some road signs would be good ;).

      PS….44 does not preach but we dare say that the curse of the toil of Adam’s hand is usually equated with the pain of child birth….;)

  3. Ok so the Adams who have posted want us Eves to believe that there are no signs …..and we have the power……..and we only listen to what they say……and not try to read anything.So let me see-if for example i am dating an Adam who has made his place look like an abottad of sort- no go zone….. ( that place where the seals smoked out Osama ),i should not conclude that the relationship has no pulse right?

  4. @ Bezingo, you give it the pulse if it is worth it (and by that time you ought to know if it is) and you will be amazed by the results. I still maintain this, you retain the leash. Why you let go of the leash is another matter all together and you principal undoing.

  5. The “Twins”.
    Now, that made my afternoon.
    Of course it depends on what the Eve means to me. Is she physical, trophy, or wifey? If physical, then she is important to me when I wanna…..

    If Trophy, I reach for her when I want to show off.

    If wifey, I send home to help maitu remove the ndutus and remove mpesa for her.

  6. Lovely post and interesting follow-on comments. Unfortunately my experiences have taught me that relationships are not games that one can hope to play to some sort of strategy, say like chess, computer games or any other leisure past-time. In other words the smartest Adams and Eves with their carefully laid plans for the future do not necessarily end up with the most successful relationships. I believe that it is for Adam to declare his intentions sooner rather than later. Eve can then decide whether there is anything to be gained in moving the relationship forward

    • @Woolie, thanks for dropping by and I agree re interesting comments…very interesting discussions and arguments. It would be fair to say that there are no such things as best laid plans in relationships…….and this is the part where we try to understand what to look out for. Let’s see how far we get :). Adams, your take!

  7. My take: signs can only be vital depending on the interpretation of the two parties. My lady may interpret a sign totally different from Bwenyenye’s or Kidikibudi’s lady. Take for instance vital sign no.3. There are men who will not introduce ladies they are interested in to their ‘mboys’ because they know their boys will really scrutinize the chic and even try and dissuade the dude from venturing deeper into the relationship. In such a case, a dude will keep the chic from meeting his circle to avoid his pals from messing his new found love.

    I think I’m also with Kidikibudi on his comment: no matter what a man does, a woman gets to choose. A man will always be the hunter, according to society, but a woman chooses the predator.

    Great read, though. It elicits reactions.

    • @ Munene,i think the question would be how long will the chic remain hidden from the ‘mboys’Ukweli wa mambo ni kuwa Adams want to show off their Eve and if Adam hides her somewhere in the back….there could be a problem…of course afterward Adam might have to shield his lady from the ‘mboys’ but the fact is,she has and should meet them at some point. .and then that point about women choosing…..are we still in the planet ?

  8. Wow…interesting read, this piece seems to have generated a lot of opinions, may be it’s jsut me but i feel like am still in the dark reading the adams response. yes, we should not try to understand men from the point of view of woemn but i guess we see things from the point of view as eves… i am lost

  9. I figure the minute you start to ask yourself if the man is into you then perhaps he’s not. All this looking for signs and what not is just our way of trying to salvage the sinking ship, simply put, we’re in denial. I know denial well myself, I go there on holiday a couple of times a year… Ha!

    Judging by the response to this piece, you might want to do a follow up. Just a thought.

    • lolest @ Alex. Good to know that ‘holiday Island’ is frequented by many. trick is to ensure that it does not become a home !!!

      Now tell me what to follow-up this one with. An operation room,with Drs. trying to figure a brain and what is going on it ??? ? ha ha ha

      • Ha ha! i’m not sure anyone wants to read about an operation room so you can rest easy there. I was thinking more along the lines of why we keep looking for signs even though we should know better no?

        And i’ll have you know the island is a lovely place to live full time, I dont care what anyone says… 🙂

  10. signs signs sign, drawing an analogy from medicine, signs are easy to pick , almost anyone who has worked in the medical world will tell you that picking the signs is just but one part of the game, it is the interpretation of what the signs mean that is interesting. i think the same applies to relationships, sometimes one may see certain signs and at other times refuse to see what is glaringly obvious. however than not withstanding, it is what we make do with what we see ( or refuse to acknowledge) that determines how we response and thus how thing are going to flow thereafter.
    secondly, people are different by nature, your current significant is certainly not your ex in character. knowing someone enables you to know his shall sat vital signs, you will know what is normal behavior, when things are in distress, when things are sort of so so, coz you know the standards by which to evaluate the said vital signs. it is all about knowing your man, or woman in that regard. of course one will not always get it right but you will certainly have a better handle then others outside the dyad.
    thirdly, always put into consideration what those around you may have to say about the relationship and weigh their observations with wisdom. there are times they will see the said vital signs more clearly than you, ( given that your ability to see will have been inebriated by the butterfly-like feelings of love ;-))

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