Younger Adam

Most Eves have been socialized to date Adams who are at least age mates or older. Enter the younger Adam and the scene gets a tad complicated. Of the many reasons that have been put across for not dating a

younger Adam, the one that stands out is the old dictum that girls mature faster than boys, and therefore it follows that in a relationship, Adam should be older. It remains a grey area whether this refers to physical, mental maturity or to both – I hope this does not open a can of worms.

Based on the above, a number of Eves have been reinforced to believe that it is better to date an older Adam in order to cover for a perceived lag in maturity in men. Conversations revolving around dating younger Adam are often punctuated by declarations that dating a younger man is tantamount to courting disaster and these relationships are usually temporal and often done out of desperation to bag an Adam – do not joke with the social order, societal judgment can be harsh.

So it is not uncommon to see an Eve dating a younger Adam and guarding the news as though it were a nuclear code not to be let out. Something that is supposed to be all exciting or worth a toast even, ends up being something that Eve is either ashamed of or has to defend at every turn. Picture the following conversation between two Eves during a catch-up session.

Eve 1: “I am dating”, she informs her best friend.

Eve2: “Oh, great! I was not aware you were dating; I thought that the ‘Ukame’ (drought and it

does not mean rain) 🙂 is everywhere but it does not seem to be the case. I assume he must be a hunk, otherwise you would not have dated him; in that case I will not ask you to describe him so let’s go to the main points. So, what does he do?”

Eve1: “He is an aeronautical engineer, astronautics branch” she says proudly.

Eve2 frowns because she is not exactly sure what that means but based on the complex space-age terminologies, she can decipher that this is no small career so Eve 1 scores points for it. This is followed by questions in quick succession about where he lives and what machine he pushes etc, and then finally falling on the contentious issue:

Eve2”How old is he?”

Eve1 does not want to talk about the age difference and therefore she hesitates, before saying that the astronaut is one year younger. Her friend gives her a look which makes her realize that she needs to mount up a defense about how this Adam is mature and responsible beyond his years and that when they are paired, one can hardly tell that he is younger.

Eve2: “You mean this guy came into this planet after you and you are actually deluded that he is dating material for you?” This is then followed by a whole lecture about how, whilst this Adam may have the energy of a stallion :), men mature late, that he will eventually find a younger Eve and that she thinks it is ill-advised to date this guy. All this is based on a one year age difference, she has not met him, does not know what he stands for , neither is she sensitive to what her best friend feels about this judgment.

Mixed feelings well up inside Eve1 and although she might not break up with him, a new task has been handed to her – she will now be looking out for all signs that he still needs to ‘ripen’ or that he is eyeing younger women. Even a little unproven hint could make Eve1 decide that after all, she was not ‘oozing’ feelings for this Adam and calls it quits. (Yeah! It is called peer pressure and it can send even the most stable relationships downhill).

So you have to seat back and think that this world is hard to comprehend. At some point, we have a hall packed with Eves, all with arms outstretched waiting for a pastor to breathe life into their dead dating lives. Then the same women will dismiss a dude based on the fact that he is one year younger than her, among other basis for summary dismissals:). Mind you the man is not complaining, he is aware of that fact and it is not a deterrent for him. Why then for the life of me should it be deterrent to Eve?

There are Adams out there (yeah somewhere on this planet) who act way above their age; they are responsible, can hold up their own and know exactly what they want. In the same breath, there are older Adams who act way below their chronological age.

Is it therefore fair, realistic or even strategic:)to place all guys in one group, label them ‘young’ and therefore immature and not deserving a chance? OK!  – Someone might ask if there is an age limit or variance within which people should be consider dating mates. Well, that varies from person to person but my imagination tells me that everyone wants to be around someone who makes them look and feel great, not with someone who will make people think you just turned up to a party with little brother!

Have your say!

By Fridah


14 thoughts on “Younger Adam

  1. Of a truth, younger man-older woman mix is just pure trouble. For a woman to opt for a younger man a lot of arithmetics which don’t add up would have come into play. The resulting equation becomes the beginning point from which we begin our wishy-washy escapist justifications why it doesn’t matter when an older woman likes a a younger man. I am not convinced.

  2. kidikibudi,just curious if you know any Adam and Eve who are in a relationship that is working and Eve happens to be older……..i know of a few and well..they have their fair share of issues but the issues are not due to age difference. I think that it depends on the 2 people,what they want from the relationships/why they are together in the first place.
    About ‘ukame’….well….it is such factors such as looking at 3 months age difference that escalate 2 cents…….

  3. I found this interesting because I like older eves. They are, to me, more beautiful and easier to talk to. I hate the idea of norms. I think they are for normal people, and I don’t think of myself as a normal person. I am an exceptional exception.

    • @ MtuFlani and pitzevans,thanks for dropping by.He he he i am not sure though that Eves choose to be shallow,i think it has to do with influence from our environment…….

  4. I think the difference in age when Eve dates a younger man cannot be the only deciding factor but we cannot get away from some of the implications that come with the age difference….some are down to personality and some are down to maturity……and of course how big the gap is….but you can’t ask Wambui Mbugua/Otieno now…
    ps there could be added perks with a younger adam if you get my drift 😉

  5. Actually, I think age is just a psychological barrier that we place on ourselves. I know of couples where Adam is younger than Eve, but you can never tell. These are some of the forbidden fruits that we should ignore as one blogger had written somewhere. So @Kidikibudi, your arithmetics that you think lead to wishy washy equations have been proven to add up by couples in our society, and their marriages are strong.

  6. My thoughts; focusing so much on age is like focusing on beauty without character. My sister is married to a younger man, but you can never tell whatsoever that he’s younger. Depending on upbringing and environment, age plays second fiddle to personality, character, intelligence, etc.

  7. I think I’m fast becoming your stalker ladies. 🙂

    I know this discussion has long since ended but allow me to put in my 2 cents. Dating a younger man can be complicated, the larger the gap the harder it gets, but the difficulties mostly stem from trying to live up to silly dictates of society. Once you let go of those hang ups and see the man/boy for who and not what he is, ‘life is beautiful’ no?

    Ms Fridah, Lord of chivalry picture iko wapi? 🙂

    • Kai Nikii!! we are very happy to see you visit P44 again and again. We love this kind of stalking .Yes! Life is beautiful!
      Lord of Chivalry- can we at least get through Valentines and then bring this up afterwards? Who knows what experience his lordship will bring? ha ha ha

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