That relationships are complex to deal with is no news at all. That Eve and Adam often perceive an issue surrounding a relationship very differently is not new either. Depending on what it is -Eve and Adam will see a “3D version” of the same issue but perceive it differently. May I also add that all relationships go through various phases very differently and Adam and Eve’s character traits are as varied as relationships? And well aware of this, a buddy asked me what the mark of maturity in a relationship is/how you would tell that an Adam or Eve is mature in matters relationships.

Most of us who have been around for a couple of decades (and more ;)) and have been in relationships, both good and bad, can bear out to the fact that it might not be easy to define maturity in a relationship – because what can appear to be perfectly mature for one person could be the height of juvenile behavior for another. Due to all these reasons, and having been in relationships where I probably exhibited ‘immature’ moves, yours truly is finding it hard to step into this role and roll out a piece on maturity – but while we live, we scribble, so here we go :).

Maturity is the ability to sacrifice and give up selfish ways affirming that it is not about ‘me’ but ‘us’. It is at this level that you continuously seek to understand your significant other. Maturity is being sensitive to the other person’s wants and needs.

Maturity is loving yourself enough to stay away from hurtful and demeaning people (Eves or Adams in this case), being sure of yourself, appreciating that you are an individual; a complete individual who does not need someone to complete them – mature people are confident people.

Maturity means consistency – enough said.

Maturity is being sure about what you want, in your life, because only then can you be in a position to articulate how the other person fits in your own life or recognize that she.he does not fit and take the necessary steps 😦

Maturity is recognizing that yes you are in a relationship but you are indeed not Siamese twins, neither do you own the other person. Within the limits of reality and respect for the relationship …allow the other person to dream, pursue (dreams that is) and be their own person. Maturity asks you to desist from being manipulative and controlling.

Maturity means refraining from changing the other person – if you do not like them enough the way they are, move on and stop trying to ‘panel beat’ or overhaul them; of course there are things (mannerisms, habits even values etc) that you can attempt to change/ ‘instill’ but be alive to the fact that they might not change and be mature enough to know if you can still remain sane experiencing  everyday with them  for as long as you shall live (sounds like a threat  ( smile).

Maturity is the ability to let go of a relationship, whether you are the one who is calling it off or your significant other feels the need for a breather. Maturity means that you do not hurl insults at them, you do not become bitter; you lick your wounds and look to the future with confidence, yes with confidence (may I add that in moments like these, when the ego is beat up, this confidence does not make sense? I mean how are you supposed to be confident when someone else just made you feel like ‘you are not all that’? Time heals:).

Maturity is when you can express your feelings, especially wounded feelings and still remain with your dignity intact. If the other person chooses the low road (that murky road that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy) you recognize it for what it is and choose the higher road.

Maturity means that you know your role in the relationship – for the sake of ensuring that I do not get lynched here, I will not split the roles of doing dishes, cooking and paying rent; let’s just say know your role and execute it for it is a mark of maturity. Yeah, I know; I know the roles change, sometimes they are controversial and often times they might come across as ‘reversed’ but they remain – maturity means you know yours, own it even 🙂 – because mature people are responsible people.

Maturity is knowing that the person you are with will not be the same in years to come, we are all bound to change, the way we think and feel and act – because we are dynamic. Know your mate, love them, care for them, seek to make them happy without compromising who you are and yeah, prepare for change – good or bad. It is life.

And finally mature people know that these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Mature people love- in the true sense of the word!

Have your say!

By Fridah


27 thoughts on “Maturity

  1. I have a feeling- and it is just a feeling,if people followed even one of these examples on what means to be mature;relationships would be less painful 🙂 where is the consistency and just wanting the other person the way they are without attempting to ‘panel beat’

    • It is a natural inclination to ‘panel beat’ ….because we are looking for what we think is perfect- bad news is that perfection in not in our realm…or so i think.

    • He he he I am thinking that if we were to liken a relationship to steeplechase,maturity would be the hurdle- the jump that the runner is expected to take,failure to which the race would no longer be steeplechase:)

  2. Wow, this is so enlightening and so true. Very well written! I have seen your comment on my blog and I have been meaning to pass by yours to see what you blog out, more of ‘returning the favour’ courtesy but I have been so busy I have not really had the time to read blogs. Now I regret why I have not been reading this blog. Another must read blog for me!

  3. Very interesting look at relationships. It gives the view hardly ever shared but normally learnt as people grow in love.

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