Of Desire: Going Back to the Basics


Genesis 3:16

The recipe for successful marriages is simple really if you thought about it. If you are someone inclined to consult your Bible for the regular piece of advice then you do realize that happy marriages are hinged on a command; two commands actually. ‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord…Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church…’ goes the twin commands.

Understanding why an Eve has to be commanded to submit to Adam and why an Adam has to be commanded to love Eve will quite evidently unlock the tangle of unworkable unions between Adams and Eves. Getting this, I repeat is the key to working out formula for marital bliss. All else would be unworkable props and disappointing contrivances that never will settle the marriage conundrum.

As an Adam, I pretty know much how loving Eve day in, day out (and maybe you could add night in, night out) is quite the fender-bender. It is no-brainer that Eves love strongly and when they love they love unto death. And so for them the issue of loving Adam is not much of a concern. The issue for Eve would be the attaining a measure of self-willed submission to the Adam in her life. Not many an Eve can hack it. And therein the battle of sexes is wrought for no Adam will love an Eve who won’t submit and no Eve will submit to an Adam who can’t love.

This is a treatise that attempts to address the thorny issues of women’s role in the current zeitgeist of radical feminism that is pushing for a ruinous chimera called equality of the sexes.

The lie has been peddled long enough that Eves are inferior to Adams but evident truths available discount this fallacy: womenfolk have scaled the heights of academia and career, politics and leadership – all with a panache that would smash to smithereens the stolid insinuations about their supposed inferiority. But that’s just about where the fun ends because diverse events indicate that Eves would rather stretch their progress to the hilt in an attempt to negate the role of Adams. Babes, you all have come along way, but there are just some shores you can’t step onto. Shores, like the kind we’ll be discussing in a jiffy.

Genesis Chapter 3 is probably the saddest chapter in the whole Bible. After the first couple on earth got an upbraiding for their misdeed, it was time for some consequences to be spelt out.

Untamable spirit ;)?

Untamable spirit? 😉

Painful labour was appointed for Eve, but on top of that something was added which essentially became the genetic make-up of many woman alive – an untamable spirit. Simply put: God cursed womenfolk to ever desire to exercise domination of men. It began from the moment Eve chose not to follow Adam’s instructions on the tree in the middle of the garden and allowing the ‘substil’ serpent make her believe that consultation with Adam wasn’t such a great deal. Next was her ability to inveigle Adam into partaking of the fruits. The putative ‘strength of a woman’ began right in the Garden of Eden.

And he shall rule over thee became Adam’s imprimatur (license) to ‘sit’ on Eve. And that is how negative patriarchy gained a foothold in the psyche of mankind ever since. You see, as God read out the sentence to the two ingrates, Adam was all ears and it became painfully clear that the fact that for allowing the woman to be the source of his fall the slate wasn’t cleared with the expulsion from Eden. Eve would be a thorn in the flesh for many, many, many years to come. The forbidden fruit was just the harbinger of feminine intransigence.

History is replete with the vicious and horrendous subjugation that women were subjected to. Women simply had no rights in most of the primitive cultures that cropped up after the fall of man and subsequent expulsion from the Edenian idyll. No culture can be said to have honoured the role of the woman. Save, for the occasional appearance of some Woman of Substance in the annals of history who either by sheer courage or matrimony managed to change the course of history, the role of women in the vast ages of recorded history is one of heart-rending suffering. The overweening influence of patriarchy and the priapic exuberance in the exaggerated role of the male all played a hand in the denigration women. All cultures without exception are guilty of this sin. The original Adam must have really rammed the message home. The women’s lot was headed for its scary run unhindered until the message of Christianity captured the hearts of men.

Cleopatra: Woman of Substance

Of a truth, Christianity has worked the main part in liberating women from the shackles of inanely inspired quest for male-dominance and as well as the silly prerogatives of patriarchy which were mainly inspired by fear rather than by the need for healthy congress of the sexes. As the gospel traveled the world, women began to enjoy the freedom which men, freed from the yoke of sin and the sense of entitlements that made them think that women were but fair game to male superiority, extended to them.

With time the liberties granted to women enabled them to make much so headway in the important sectors of the society which enabled them to bargain for more and more concessions from men. These concessions however led to other stuff more diabolical than the subjugation of women- the emasculation of man.

All over the world today women are taking over the reigns of all spheres of leadership and governance. This takeover is accompanied with much belligerence and the noisome natters that insinuate that men have largely been ineffectual in carrying out their mandates. In politics, churches, industries and boardrooms (and sadly even in bedrooms) women are being touted as better leaders.

The solution lies with the twin commands I pointed up there. However, the woman who wants a successful marriage will l require a marked understanding of the biblical role of an Eve and an Adam as is explained very well  in 1 Peter 3:1-7 and everywhere else in the Bible with the emphasis on man’s headship.

Those who reject wisdom are bound to suffer for it. The wisdom of the world pushes for gung-ho woman in all spheres. Wisdom from above calls for Eves who are willing and are ready to submit the Adams in their lives. It is designed to work that way and anything else will not probably work. So, what will the Adams and Eves reading this have? Love and submission or arguments and counter arguments?

Going back to the basics is that simple.

Have your say.

By Dinky Boy – Guest Writer

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21 thoughts on “Of Desire: Going Back to the Basics

  1. Very well written piece i have to say. So i think for those who go to the bible for their daily guide,they have no choice but to follow the twin command. …….many will not be happy to hear this!

  2. I have laughed at that pic of an Adam dragging Eve by her hair,then it occurred to me that this is what would fall under gender violence . This Adam needs to be tamed!
    Well done Dinky Boy,hope to read more of these

  3. I have enjoyed reading this and have to agree that the bible has our solutions….save for having to “look up” some of the words 🙂

  4. This is a good piece though I do not believe Christianity is the one which has worked the main part in liberating womenfolk, in fact for many centuries womenfolk were seriously suppressed in the so called christian nations and probably suffered the most under the Church’s inquisition in the middle ages. To date some churches have yet to come to terms with the notion of female clergy, I think the progress made in women rights were more from the liberal sections of the community and not the generally christian conservative church. But I digress, my take on your quoted verse has always been that we also need to swap sides once in a while, and you become submissive to your wife, and she loves you like Christ loved the church…so you are both submissive and both love…

    • Swap sides? Which bible will we be reading from? Queen Jane Version? Haha. I think like what the writer said, it’s not hard for Eve to love. But submission ni kazi. Adams were commanded to love Eves, because Adams had proved to not love their Eves as they loved themselves.

      • Ha ha ha ati queen Jane version lol. This is funny! and btw,the command is as christ loved the church,not as Adams love themselves

    • Hi Hongo, a walk down the history lane will only confirm to you that The Inquisition Era was Christianity gone rogue. It had nothing to do with the manifest subjugation of womenfolk as both sexes who fell foul of the Papal decrees were equally mistreated.

      However, you can’t seriously deny the role of Christianity in liberating our womenfolk. All you need to do is take a visit to the Middle East, Far East and elsewhere where the light of the gospel has not shone.

      As for the matter of lady clergy, it is a good thing this is not a theology blog otherwise we would discuss the issue till the second coming. Personally, I prescribe to the kind of doctrine that does not anticipate the existence of women pastors. That however, does not in any way diminish the respect I have for women.

      • Dinky Boy, I agree with you to some extent though I think the more accurate observation is that Christianity was more accommodative to progressive ideas. Indeed this is the reason why westernization is often confused with or becomes synonymous with Christianity. Personally I am more liberal with the bible and believe that it has to be interpreted within the context of the present time. I have thus fully treated my wife as my equal partner and the term submission has not featured in my vocabulary.

  5. I like what the writer says; it’s hard for Adam to love an Eve who does not prescribe to the submission command, or an Eve to submit to an Adam who doesnt love her as Christ loved the church. Maybe the confusion that ensues when people talk about submission is lost in the meaning as it was in the bible. What exactly does submission entail? Certainly not dictatorship or slavery. But what does it entail?

    • Submission, as it is defined is simply submission. Submission does come at a price; the diminution of your own right to pride or honour for the sake of another. Not many will buy that aspect of submission. To understand the essence of submission well, you ought to understand the humiliation aspect of humility; there’s no humility without humiliation.

      How far you are willing to be humble depends on how far you willing to be humiliated. How far you are willing to let another take lead will determine how far you will go to affect a measure of humility in your life. How far you are willing to let another take lead will also determine how far you are willing to submit.

      Again, I must push the disclaimer that I am in no way recommending for subjugation of womenfolk to make then toe some line but my point ought to be understood within a context. The context of two people in a union who understand the roles of the sexes, their duties to each other and perhaps their responsibilities as parents.

      It’s all bound by a context, the context of relationships transacted in love and within the bounds of mutual understanding and acceptance of individuals’ prerogatives that define the bonds of union.

  6. One Zig Ziglar once said that, “Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.”

    Marriage was never meant to be a competition but a haven of love, respect and selflessness. Thank you Sir for reminding us as Eves the marvel of submission and for pointing Adams towards the path of sagacity, a path dotted with steadfast love towards their Eves.

    Bless you and have a great week.
    Cheers.

  7. Dinky boy, nice read. I only agree with you on the bible verses you’ve quoted otherwise your interpretation of the verses is warped. First of all Christ is the head of any marriage not man. However, it is the duty of the husband to lead his wife but in truth (i.e in accordance with God’s word). Secondly, if a man submits his life to God only then will he will know what it entails to love his love wife unconditionally as described in 1Cor 13:1-13 & be able to do what Christ did for the church in John 3:16 for his wife. It amazes me how husbands want their wives to submit to them & yet they (husbands) don’t want to submit their lives to Christ! You can’t expect accountability from your wife & yet your life is accountable to no one! Thirdly, submission does not necessarily mean humility, for a perfect example of what submission is all about, look at the role of the Holy Spirit. Read also Mathew 22:37 for a clearer picture on that. I totally agree that wives should SUBMIT to their husbands AS UNTO THE LORD. Once again i insist husbands should lead their wives in accordance with God’s will not according to Kageni & Kingangi’s philosophy or else couples will end up dead like Ananias & Saphira ( Ananias lead his wife to agree to his lie). Not physically dead though but living a dead marriage.

  8. Actually, submission to Christ’s authority is what will make all l have said here to work for all the parties. It all begin with Christ and a clear understanding of what it takes to walk with him.

  9. Good read,and what about those who do not necessarily reach out to the bible for reference. How can they work this out- taming the spirit,loving and submitting? Or are they doomed? You know like our grand fathers,they did not read the bible but it seems that somehow their relationships were not dogged by the issues that dog relationships and marriages these days…..

  10. Just what I have been labelled Chauvinistic for preaching. I believe that even though the man is the head of the family, that does not mean he is superior. It is just a Job Description. the woman has hers too. For any marriage to survive, the man must be the head. And there is consultation yes but no shared power!

  11. Our grandfathers did not have the bible. They had a peverse form of partriachy that the piece has tried to address by a small measure. A society guided by the norms of stiffling partriarchy could only make women more of vassals or chattels rather than co-equal partners in marital union. Such a state can only make the women to ‘obey’ their ‘masters’ without challenging them in anything. And that is the ‘secret’ of our grandfathers’ success.

  12. Painful labour was appointed for Eve, but on top of that something was added which essentially became the genetic make-up of many woman alive – an untamable spirit

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