There is a saying that goes you don’t miss the water until the well runs dry. There’s even a song that pleads for a relationship not to fall into a similar quandary. If you rummage through the many arenas where relationship questions are asked, you will not be surprised to find the queries that go like this: ‘my ex wants to get back together, should I say yes?’ This is a typical reaction to the dilemma when a relationship had been brought to an end and one of the parties is looking to resuscitate the relationship. Now, I am all for keeping hope alive but I believe there is another facet to this dilemma, one where the question goes like this –‘why does s/he want to get back with me? Why now? What has changed?’ There goes that word again! CHANGE!
Sometimes a relationship can end very abruptly and other times, it just drags into a lull, and the reasons for this vary from one relationship to another. These very reasons later on become the determinants of whether ‘resuscitation’ is possible or whether a broken relationship will be considered ‘been-there-done-that-won’t-go-back’.
In this technology enabled era, there is no hiding from an ex or from someone you feel the need to distance yourself from: sms, IM, calls, Facebook, Twitter, name it. This can be a real bummer when you’ve pulled yourself together, decided to cut your losses, move on with life and find the next Eve or Adam who will sweep you to the nimbus experience. The other dilemma is usually that one does not want to come across as though they are begrudging the other person because the relationship ended. So, one is torn between responding to communication and just outrightly ignoring it. Even as the advances from an ex go on, it is worth noting that you loved this person enough to be with them and there is the temptation to get back to the known than venturing into the unknown. However, even amid this confusion, one is bound to ask that question – WHY?
Now, many a person will wager that one of the main reasons that an ex wants to come back is that they want a bit of that s’thing s’thing, especially if s/he’s calling you way after the sun has set. You know what I mean ;). If Adam or Eve has been getting some good lovin’, then they are bound to come back for a dose of that. So Adam (yes, this applies mostly to Adams) may swallow his pride, accept his prejudice against the unknown pots of honey and crawl back, OK come back, knocking.
Outside of this simplistic, nay biological deduction, there may be other reasons why people would want to get back together with their exes. I am inclined to think, and there is a slim chance that I may be wrong ;), that if an ex wants to get back with you soon after breaking up, it may be that she or he has realized what a mistake it was letting the relationship and you go and genuinely wants to get the derailed relationship back on track. If she or he calls after a month or even longer, you may well be suspicious of the motives and the genuine factor will be somewhat watered down.
I may also be inclined to think that after the break up, she or he has scouted what were seemingly greener pastures out there and after much comparison, came to the conclusion that what they had going on was preferable to the not-so-green-pastures. For some that would come as a form of compliment but for others this may not necessarily work. Now, the only way to find out which of these inclinations would be true would be to entertain some form of dialogue between both parties. Although it is well-publicized that most Adams do not like ‘the talk’, I think this would be one occasion where Adam would have to talk it out because things need to be heard, told and explained. Adam and Eve would need to listen, contemplate and then decide: whether to continue the search for another nimbus experience or to let the ex back into your life. If the search continues, then try to let go of the past – it is the past for a reason.
Taking a step a couple of paragraphs back, I have to say that the very tricky situations are those where one party took the presumably humble path and ended the relationship on the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ note. If you are the one who ended the relationship and said that the issue ‘was you’, you basically put any hope of resuscitation out on the line to dry and it is hard to fathom how the situation can be salvaged – you will still be you.
In the event that you consider all and decide to let your ex back into your life, there are some pieces of advice that you need to take. Be sure you know what you want and lay it out (and I don’t mean between the sheets ;)). Keep your eyes wide open – don’t take for granted that things will change, you have to watch out for them. It means both parties might have promises to keep and that things will need to change if the relationship is to move forward.
Have your say.