Okay, let’s get something straight. Unlike cars, there can never be a singular manual for relationships, probably because relationships are so inherently flawed in their perceived designs that nothing can be trusted to work with any notion of consistency. For human beings, it’s more of a labor of love, for lack of better words, as Adams and Eves enter into relationships with different expectations and needs, irrespective of what any party would claim otherwise. Nevertheless, throughout the continuous struggle that each relationship is, or has been, there are some innate truths that, collectively, can pass off as a manual. Allow me to talk about one.
Whether you cheat on your partner or not, it is always wise to live your life as if you are a cheat. Any other way will turn you around and bite you in the proverbial nether regions. Listen. Adams who cheat on their partners will most likely, not totally, never be caught because they eat, breathe and know how to cover up. However, the innocent Adams ignore certain elements that would, inadvertently, be misconstrued by Eves as irrefutable evidence of ‘he’s cheating on you’ simply because they lack the tact. As dishonesty claims stare at them straight in their eyes, the more innocent they look, they guiltier their eyes will read. I am an Adam and I speak from an Adams’ perspective.
Being honest and not thinking like a cheat does, will continue landing Adams world over in hot soup. Just like a dog with a bone, once an Eve has an iota of thought in her mind that an Adam is cheating on her, more protestations of innocence can only make him look worse. All it needs is to stem from the most innocuous of sources, like a ‘lipstick’ mark on a shirt collar, perhaps.
Picture this true story.
Adam wakes up early one day and goes to work. At around 10am, he visits the washrooms in the office and happens to espy a certain reddish discoloration on the collar of his white shirt. Try as he may, he cannot not place the exact time when the said discoloration happened. He certainly does not think it is lipstick, as he hasn’t interacted with any Eve that morning.
‘The househelp did a dreadful work on laundry this time round,’ he thinks. ‘Maybe I should ask Eve to have a word with her about how my shirts are done, or maybe not. I should admire myself in the mirror every morning before leaving the house.’ Adam then files the issue under the cabinet marked ‘Forgotten’. Evening comes and, on arrival home, he changes into evening wear and into the laundry basket goes the shirt and everything on it, including the discoloration.
The next day in the office, Adam gets a call from Eve and he answers it expecting the usually banter they venture into daily. His pleasantries never make it to the second minute. “I found lipstick on your shirt! Are you cheating on me?” off she goes like a canon. At first he’s confused and tries to decipher what she is on about. Then he remembers seeing the stain in his shirt collar and proceeds to explain how the househelp hadn’t done the laundry well. But it wasn’t such a big deal, he had actually chosen to ignore it. With Eve profusely apologetic, he was sure he had cooled things off.
Ten minutes later, Eve calls Adam again and he picks up the phone expecting a make-up dinner proposal. The only thing he’s served is vitriol. Eve goes on about how the househelp is also puzzled about the source of stain, given that she ad ironed the shirt and had seen no stain. Both Eve and the maid had come to the conclusion that it definitely was lipstick. Adam is cornered and his next words would definitely serve a nice combo of slaps on his cheek, were it face-to-face.“I don’t use lipstick and there’s nothing red in this house!” she responds hypertensive and hangs up.
Perplexed at the whole scenario, Adam, hours later discovers that the red stain on his shirt collar was caused by a certain red brand ‘Globe’ PVC file that he had touched the previous day. This file had bled the color red onto his fingers that had then found its way onto his shirt collar.
Here was a man who, earlier, had been fully convinced, relaying the same to Eve that the househelp had messed up the laundry. The truth would only lead to affirming Eve’s conclusion. He would be seen as a man having dubious excuses in the face of the ‘irrefutable’ evidence at hand. If only faithful Adam was well versed in the not-so-dark arts of cheating, a lot of pain would have been avoided. I am not sure what he would have done; maybe remove the shirt and wash off the color while still in the office;go to the shop and buy a new shirt and wear it or maybe just go home shirtless and tell her he had decided to start undressing to get the groove on:)?
That’s one Adam who had a lot of making up to do, and to date, that issue has been swept under the carpet. As sure as the sun rises, Eve will for bring this issue up again and she will wield it like a hot rod. Poor Adam, faithful one, never grazing the wrong pasture yet here he was, faced with a defensive issue against circumstantial evidence.
So what is the moral of this story? Well, I guess if we were to have a relationship manual, it would guide Adams to be on the lookout in order to avert such disaster.
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By Guest Writer – George