Trapped

It is that time of the year again; the streets will light up and fill out, nearly every place will buzz with the season’s cheer. Many will take a welcome break from work; a few will take a holiday trip (the economic crunch seems to be having more lives than a cat) and for most, family get-togethers will be arranged. Shops and even the street corner hawkers will come up with all manner of advertising to entice you to spend more and boy, people will spend – what they have and what they do not have. It is Christmas. The season brings with it a ‘spending bug’ and this bug bites everyone; we all itch to buy something. The designer cologne you’ve wanted to gift yourself or that pair of jeans that the sales lady told you makes your ‘ASSets‘ to look like Mujer Melancia (yes she makes JLo’s ‘ASSets‘ look like a big joke ;)).

Hormone levels spike

I don’t know if it is because of shopping or it is just the season’s happiness because something else takes over the functioning of higher centers of the brain. This is not classified information gathered through ‘Jicho Pevu’ or any other in-depth investigation – this is purely from experience about how the season unfolds because it repeats itself over and over again. For Eves, oestradial levels spike up to unmanageable standards and on the other hand, testosterone-charged Adams seem to have their GPS system perambulating – everyone feels the need to ‘reward’ themselves. It is Christmas and the end of the year, and these sound like good reasons to throw caution to the wind and heed the hormones.

The hormones say that ‘I must have it this season’ and oh boy, they are loud, because everything around is in a state of excitement and stimulation. What the hormones forget to say is that there are serious dangers attached to the 40 seconds pinnacle moment that they lead you to so fervently pursue (the seconds may vary with the homo sapiens species variants ;)). Therefore, a large majority of Eves and Adams ‘dive in’ and in this diving, they forget their ‘life jackets’ and ‘oxygen masks’.

Just as a reminder, the season is meant to celebrate the birth of the Messiah, born of the Virgin Mary – how ironic:)

As with all things in life, the season quickly comes to an end and people return back to work and routine of life, broke and exhausted from the holiday escapades. Then comes the dreaded February: bearing some fruits of your labor – no, it is not about Valentine’s Day and you getting mixed up about who to buy flowers for and who to take out to dinner. Rather, these are bigger news and more destabilizing than Valentine’s wilting flower. It is that the Christmas cheer has brought some shocking revelations.

The Eve that you took a plunge with confirms that the product of live sperms and eggs meeting is well in situ.

Now, let’s all reach out for the bowls of popcorn because drama will truly unfold. Adam is murmuring something that sounds like “you trapped me!” Eve is confused beyond comprehension – as you can imagine, this was just to celebrate Christmas and was not aimed at creation. But alas! Here we are, heeding to the commission to ‘fill the earth and subdue it’-except we are not ready for it.

When the issue comes up with his buddies, Adam’s first and last line of defense is, “I was trapped, she knew she was not safe and she led me to it”. This is the point at which I lift my hand up and say hold on, wait a minute! – the last time I checked, only sheep are led and rats get trapped. If any other being is not in any of these categories in both intelligence and function and claims to have been ‘trapped’, then we have a big problem. It is hard to apply the word trapped to ‘full blown’ human beings :). As the species of the highest form of intelligence, precaution is something to be applied by both Eve and Adam so it is bewildering when the consequence of unforeseen yield is laid on one party’s lap. The only being really trapped in any sense is the being ‘held’ in the womb.

So what to do to avoid this confusion and confabulation about getting ‘trapped’? This saying comes to mind: wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences. In anticipation of the possible consequences, abstinence is like the first line drug. Believe me; if you have not been having it all year round, nothing will happen to you if you just keep going. There is absolutely no need to get frantic thinking that ‘I need to get laid before the year ends’; as sure as night, day will come and you will not have disintegrated when midnight tolls on the last day of the year.

The next option is left to those who must ‘dive’ in. If you must, by all means take the plunge but be sure to reach out for the ’life jacket’ – don’t expect someone else to take it along for you. This one serves twofold: firstly to be in line with Millennium Development Goal number 6 – to combat HIV/AIDs and other diseases and secondly, you can avoid the rude awakenings the month of February can bring – there will be no confusion of associating oneself with caged animals. It is everybody’s responsibility to be safe – it is a sign of maturity ;).

Thank you for keeping us company throughout the last 6 months. Merry Christmas to you all and a Happy New Year! See you next year right here!

By Project44

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31 thoughts on “Trapped

  1. You! See you next year – why? You can squeeze in 2 more posts before the year ends.
    I have never bought or carried condoms in my life! I guess that will have to be my maendeleo ya 2012.
    Should I delete that protection confession? Should I?

    I didn’t know Christmas cheers brings with it other exitos ha ha! I’ve learnt some’ new here.

    • @ farmgal,thanks for being a fan of 44 and it feels kinda nice to know you will miss us- the posts ( smile)
      No you should not delete the protection confession but i think it should have come with bigger font and red color and blinking ! 🙂

  2. That third picture is hilarious in the light of this post! ……let’s all reach out for the ‘life jackets’ and ‘oxygen masks’ Good one!

  3. I love the shift in mental gear,Merry Xmas,turned a magical mystical moment in time,man and woman stripped to nothing,but instinct and need..
    As you do it,your way,slow and memorable,celebrating the out of control,TAKE PRECAUTION,before he pushes another inch forward,you curse him,following into the same sweet oblivion,endless and timeless.

    For guys,if you don’t intend to MARRY her,don’t make her a MOTHER…

    But in the event life happens,take heart kids are a blessing..try counseling and move on.

    That’s only for those who are catching some…

    Merry Christmas…project44 I was breathing hard until I reached the HIV punch!!! Am all smiles,at the beginning we all won a race as the FASTEST SPERM….
    Great piece as always.

  4. I cannot wait for the season’s festivities to begin.

    Neighbors and their noisy brats leave the estates and go shags.

    The neighborhood is peaceful and quite and it is time for me to get some quality time with the latest Wilbur Smith and the latest high finance movie “Margin Call”.

    Oh the pleasure of being a loner is celebrated during the festivities. May they be loooonggg for the next opportunity will be, well, Easter.

  5. Lovely piece and so clothed with reality. It’s witty, pithy, and yet profound.True, there’s nothing like being trapped, that’s a worrying statement from someone whose mind is withering from lack of exposure. Men use the word ‘trap’ as a get-out-of-jail card when they realize what happened shouldnt have happened as it wasnt meant to happen. Ladies should then heed such advice by P44. What needs to be trapped are those sperm cells, either by taking the best drug known as abstinence or the lifeguard. Such an exciting end post.

    • Thanks Munene. And now that you speak as an Adam he he he Ok,now that you are an Adam,i hope Adams get that ‘trapped’ can no longer be the get-out-of-jail card.
      Thanks for dropping by as always.

  6. This is a funny piece underlined with a lot of truth – I like that line about associating oneself with caged animals, hilarious!

    ps I looked up that ‘mujer melancia’ online and all I can say is wololooooo!

    • So i was chatting with a friend from Brasil,and i asked him about Melancia and he looked kinda lost. Then i told him ‘Mujer Melancia’ and then he burst out laughing and told me “oh that one,she is only known for that” lol yeah wolololololo
      Back to our topic of the day,yeah,one should not associate themselves with animals…in the ‘caged’ sense 🙂

  7. Nice post for a parting shot…but we are still working for another week…actually 2 wks!! aarrgghhh!!!! cant wait for the roads and streets to clear. I can drive around and see the new road network without being hooted at. Merry Christmas P44.

  8. It certainly feels like you were trapped when the fruits of a misadventure shows up. Sex, is perhaps the only thing we should never fiddle with outside the confines of a sanctioned matrimonial union. The Good Book even has watertight provision to evade the false allure of transient delight that sex offers in abundance – FLEE! Nothing else will do. No, but popular culture worships easy sex and would brandish such an edict as being impracticable. Yet, human solutions (e.g condoms) to this intractible issue has never and never will help. Sex is more than just the mere act of coitus. It is a fusion of spirit, of wills, of emotions and being. A basic understanding of that would enable us all to be careful about entering into mechanized flings which are inspired wrongly by pursuit of elevated sense of celebration that marks the festivities of the christmas season. Let’s stay safe in this season. It has been good having Project 44 team and guests these past six months. I pray the new year brings us into new and better zones as far as relationships go. Thank y’all.

  9. Thanks @Jeff especially because you were one of the guest writers and now a blogger too!
    “I pray the new year brings us into new and better zones as far as relationships go” I am smiling at this one 🙂

  10. there will be no confusion of associating oneself with caged animals. It is everybody’s responsibility to be safe….with this confused weather everything is an excuse except you. take responsibility

    • @ Mahegoat! I see you have withdrawal symptoms….:) we said we will see you here,next year ..as in we will not post he he

      • Nice piece P44…there should be a disclaimer on names like “Mujer Melancia”
        Happy holidays! though you had room for one or two more posts….

  11. Great advice right there: life-jacket, oxygen-mask and common sense. Christmas should be about fun and relaxation with family and friends – or as Mahegoat put it so well, peace and tranquility. We have enjoyed the past six months at this place and look forward to more from project44.
    Merry Christmas to you all and best wishes for 2012

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