“He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; he who makes one is a fool.” – F.M. Knowles
Hey Eves and Adams! Hope you had exciting, relaxing and happy holidays. Even more importantly, here’s hoping that nobody will come round and yell “Trapped!” for 2011 is gone 😉 – we are in a new year which brings at the least the promise of new beginnings and a new dawn. The New Year is often marked with festivities and a frenzy of resolutions. Forget the above quote, Knowles probably knew that it was hard to fulfill all resolutions and hence coined the quote. It is OK to make resolutions, and while these resolutions may be about surviving on spinach and carrot juice (popularly known as a detox plan :), joining yoga, aerobics or anger management classes (all splendid aims), here at Project 44, we are thinking of some ideas (call them resolutions if you like) which could help bring sanity in the relationships/dating arena.
We know that not everyone is in ‘the maze’; some people are already in a relationship, so this could be a good time for sharing visions, plans and setting common goals for your relationship. The chances are that if the aims are shared, both of you will be working towards achieving and you are likely to try and see them through – call it shared pursuit.
A certain Eve made a resolution to ‘act her worth’. An Adam elsewhere made a resolution not to be used by women anymore. See, most resolutions are informed by prior experience. Often times, we go through some not very exciting experiences which make us feel like we will never get out of the dating maze. However, the positive thing about experiences is that we are meant to learn from them. So let us dust ourselves off, be happy that if the year past was not very good, at least it has gone away and has let us move on to new things. Here are a few of the ideas:
– You will ‘detox’ all the negative stuff that you have heard or gone through in relationships so that you can start to believe that it is possible to pursue happy fulfilling relationship based on healthy values. Failure to do so could mean that you might never step into a good relationship because your attitude and thinking will betray you. This should probably have happened late last year but it is never too late ;).
– You will leave unavailable men/women alone especially if you are looking for a long term relationship. The assumption here is that you know who you are and what you want, which then means that you will definitely know if the person is available and if your expectations are being met or likely to be met.
– You will pursue your happiness, joy and fulfillment – old as this advice may sound, unless you are dating the god or goddess of happiness, if you are unhappy as a single person, being paired will not be the instant remedy; the void will still be evident even when you get into a relationship. This can be enhanced by reading on relationships, listening to motivation speakers or getting involved in whatever will arm you not only with the right attitude, but also put you in the right frame of mind to interact and forge a wholesome relationship.
– You will consciously seek to be a better partner. This could mean that you have to put aside selfish ways, be a better listener, supportive, nurturing, etc. This might help in that your significant other will not feel as though s/he has been held hostage by someone with a list of demands to be met yet cannot meet half of those for him or her. Remember, the first step to getting a good partner is to be one yourself.
– As much as you want to be in a relationship – since you might have a resolution that says ‘married by August 2012’ -, you will not ‘force’ a relationship to work; more diplomatically put, you will recognize a relationship that is on its death bed and take action. The number of people who will not accept it when a relationship is ‘dead’ is amazing but this is a story for another day.
– You will not sit by the phone waiting for a phone call or leave your diary open just in case your significant other decides to ask you out. Look for things that you are excited about and pursue your dreams and hobbies; make your own plans – if you both did not make earlier plans for the weekend or a significant day of the year, chances are one of you was not planning on hanging out with the other. Yeah!, we know Valentine’s Day is around the corner and this one might be hard to follow but try 😉 !
– Finally, you will tone down on expectations, yeah, we said it! There is a lot of mediocrity in this world; accepting that all your expectations will not be met while taking measures not to sink into mediocrity will save you a lot of airtime, emails and Facebook messages complaining about serious issues such as why your date did not keep time, did not call, did not keep this or that promise etc. It is not the best case scenario but you can’t have it all :).
Now add some more ideas which could make the year more exciting and fulfilling and possibly deliver what you are looking for in your current relationship or in the future one – if cupid takes an aim with his arrow, don’t be caught unawares ;). Given that some of these resolutions will be made just after the stroke of midnight with such conviction that it seems like a do or die situation, we must not be discouraged at the first sign of obstruction. Keep going for nothing comes easy!
Happy New Year! Wishing you fulfilling relationships and dating in 2012!
By Project 44