The Song

I think I will not stand to be corrected neither receive any objection if I state here – categorically – that the nimbus phase is the only stage where Eve and Adam get together like a makuti house on fire. Nothing beats this phase of the relationship because everything is all bliss.

Exit this phase and the glaring differences between you and your love interest rear their heads and questions like ‘what happened?’, ‘why did he/she change?’ become the order of the day. We all know that maybe nothing happened; probably what you are now dealing with is a less active thalamus (smile), hormones have taken a back seat, the head (in the case of Adams, the one on your shoulders) is engaged and you are ‘sober’. Maybe the person did not change at all. It could be that you were so engrossed with your new love (or lust wearing love skin) that you did not notice that all was not as neatly woven as you had perceived.

Take for instance this episode of this Eve and Adam whose relationship seems to have subscribed to change, and not the kind that Obama promised  (isn’t the journey of love a bit like a series ;)). Between you and me, this Eve professed that when they first kissed, it was fireworks – I call it ‘self-combustion’.

Unfortunately for them, the nimbus phase was short lived but during this phase, they had covered a lot of ground in so far as relationship orientation goes and there was no sign of an alarm at this point; they seemed to have struck a chord, in fact chords on the D major scale (? :)) and no discordance was registered. Now after this short while, something appeared to have changed – drastically. A number of things which had earlier been discussed started to become bones of contention. Adam told Eve (mainly through his actions) that he was not sure about certain things and in others, he took a completely different stance from what he had said earlier on. I could identify with this Eve’s dilemma for I have been there too (confession time and no sign of the cross required :)). I have to say that in moments like these, it feels as though Hurricane Irene has hit and the centre is no longer holding.

Her Adam was acting strange, unsure about them, unclear about what he wanted – he was sending all manner of mixed and unclear signals. As I listened and shared with her, I concluded that a relationship can be likened to being a stage ready to deliver a duet. You both know the words, you know the tune and which genre it belongs to. You have both practiced it and there is no discordance. It was now clear, albeit for unclear reasons, that the song had been changed and she was probably wondering if she would get a script of the lyrics; instead, this Adam was telling her (with his actions) that she did not have to ‘sing’. This duet was no longer doing it for him.

Silence befell us and then she finally asked me what I thought the issue was. Admittedly, writing for Project 44 is one thing and pretending to know a lot about Eve and Adam and the dynamics that work for and against them is something else. So I drew from my own experience and told her that once upon a time, I dated an Adam (yeah, experience comes in handy) and in my view, I had thought our ‘duet’ was doing just fine. However, after a while, I was given a new ‘song’, whose lyrics I did not recognise; it sounded like techno to me (grin – I don’t like techno) – it was a deal breaker. She looked at me wanting an explanation, but this was no parable. It was her call.

Would you want to switch to techno even when all signs indicate that you really do not have to ‘sing’? ‘You are a big girl, you know what to do’, I told her.

So what do I think of this Eve and her situation? Well, I think her situation is not unique at all. If you have been in the maze, you know how this rat race can be draining. For that matter, I hold a position which is not different from what most Eves and Adams who know what they want hold – it is that human beings are not supposed to remain in inertia hence know that change is inevitable. One is allowed to take a different position from time to time; however, when it involves the fundamentals of a relationship or a complete departure from what had been communicated before, then there is a red flag at full mast and it is flapping furiously. You have been handed a new ‘song’.

The other position is that Eve and Adam need to get a point where he/she ask questions and does not relent until he/she get the answers that he/she needs in order to make a mature and informed decision. It is therefore up to the parties involved to try (I say try from experience (again!)); sometimes you never get to know what the real issue is/was -all you have to do is bolt from that stage before delivering a below average performance :).

Have your say!

By Fridah


7 thoughts on “The Song

  1. Have you ever heard of the line from Celine Dione/ The BeeGees’ song ‘Immortality’ that goes: ‘I will never let my heart control my head’?

    Have you ever read that article in which Chris Hart argues about the evolutionary rat-race that perforce must make Adam and Eve behave like they do when they are in love? Apparently, it is the work of a phalanx of hormones – phenyl ethylamine, dopamine and norepinephrine mostly – which converge to create a heady mix of intoxicating ‘love high’ within which many a love-stricken but hapless couple have soared into only to come crashing back on earth once the mix has lost its portent thrust.

    And have you heard of the Canadian economist who once posited that the wretchedness in many a a lovelorn heart could possibly have been caused by the foolish man “who once he falls in love with some dimples makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl”?

    The secret really to singing an everlasting song of love lies perhaps in not letting your heart controlling your head. But as this beautifully worked erudite piece indicate, it is ever always late before the folly of hormonal love strikes our senses.

    But all hope is not always lost – the song must not turn into a dirge. We should elect for change and adjustment in the face of betrayed expectations, the better to help us transition into functioning couples. Else, we will all be searching for the ever elusive will-o-wisp legend of ‘explosive’ love.

  2. If I, should stay, I will only, be in, your way…… So I’ll go, but I know, I will think of you, every step of the way……… And I…….. will always love you…….


    Every time in my dreams, I see you, I feel……… you. That I how I know I go on. Far across the distance and spaces between us, you have come to show you go on. Near, far, where ever you are…..

    In as far as my relationships with Eves are concerned, the above two songs by two lovely divas jump to mind. I very rarely get past the Nimbus Stage with my relationships for I usually jump ship long before it fizzes out.

    It has never been the Eve. Never. It has always been me. I guess I have yet to meet the one. In the mean time, it is mathogothanio galore, with one same minded Eve.

    Lovely piece Fridah. Truly lovely.

  3. I agree with Kidi* – the song needn’t turn into a dirge. In moments like that, you wish that someone will play the harp to sooth your heart.

    Nice piece Fridah

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