Recently I had the opportunity to travel upcountry with a couple of guys, they call themselves ‘the boys’, some who have left the maze and others who are still groping around looking for a worthy Eve. During this ride, I realized that it true that most people believe love relationships are every step exhausting; because of all the drama that goes on in dating and often times, even after tying the knot. When I thought about all they said, I thought why not share with Project44 fans on what some of these guys thought would heal the ailing relationships. So here goes the musings, it does not necessarily mean that I hold the same view (yeah, it is a disclaimer).
1. Communication: Amazing how people are always told that communication is key, yet they choose not to work on it. According to the boys, when arguments and misunderstandings occur, Eves expect Adams to plead guilty – even when they are not. Silence is the easiest solution for Adam; he decides to keep moving forward, without addressing the issue, which only complicates matters and further poisons the relationship. Little arguments become festering feuds; little pains become deep wounds, something that would have been dealt with without passing judgment or needing preconceived answers becomes a big issue threatening to tear two people apart. Adams were of the view that even though they agree that they have a role to play in keeping communication channels open, Eves would help a lot if they took a step back especially on judging and being irrational about demands for answers even where no explanations are needed.
2. Sex: Eves withhold pleasure for their Adams, to drive them to fix a problem; all the while his twitching body parts will not stop to thump and while Eve doesn’t know what to do, Adam does. He says all the right things in the right tone of voice, perfectly on key, to create the moment and watches the out-of-control expression on Eve’s face. When the attempts fail severally, these negative feelings and outright rejection or manipulation can grow into progressively worse times. Adam is headed for trouble; he will then find solace somewhere else. Something akin to what Project 44 calls ‘wandering off the pasture’. Do not get surprised when his colleague or your house-help give him the much needed release. Eve’s next concern will be who is keeping him warm and his arms full. According to the boys, it has its roots back home. The very person that was meant to be his source of pleasure drove him to graze other pastures. Adams agree it is all shoddy, take some responsibility but quip that Eve’s cannot act all blameless.
3. His boys: Adam enjoys the boys’ company for a couple of reasons; they keep it real with each other, including their fall outs. They were before you were. Adam likes a breather, a period when he can be himself and enjoy moments of silence. Call it ‘Adam time’ if you wish. However, Eve will make use of his presence to fix things and ‘download’ about the kids, the neighbors, family and anything else that does not seem to make her happy. Adams want their Eves to understand that it has nothing to do with wavering feelings or lack of commitment; it is not that they do not want to spend time with their Eves, they just need to connect with their inner man at a different level. That is where the boys come in. Let them be.
4. Finances: Without a doubt, finances touch way too many raw nerves. Adam strives to bring home the bacon (hope we are all talking about the real Adam, not the new crop). He toils all day, does not convey all the issue surrounding his job, does not tell Eve how impossible things can get at times, he hangs in there and keeps his stuff together. All this, they say is no big deal; they know that they have to do what they have to do to keep it together. However, Eve uses his income to compete with her sisters, neighbors and friends which creates fear and doubt as to whether if the end of life comes, Eve would take care of Adam’s children. For that reason, it’s not uncommon for Adam to have his mother as his next of kin.
When it comes to chipping in on projects, they said that Eve remembers stuff even if it’s confusing like the last 30 seconds of a fireworks display. If she tops up money to register the car that Adam bought, she will wield it like a weapon of destruction. On the other hand, Adam does not remember or repeat how much it cost him to support Eve or her family. While Adam doesn’t keep count on the struggles of bringing home the bacon, Eve gives accountability of her role in raising Adams’ kids to engineer the guilt trip, for that reason sometimes Adam will withhold showing his undying passion for their children and when they are used as bait in a court of law, Adam gives up the struggle for the traditional custody, even though not a minute ticks without the thought of their pretty faces on Adam’s mind. They said that Eve believes Adam cannot be half the parent that she is.
5. In-laws: These are a wonderful lot. There are gory stories about his family and her family. Adam wisely chooses not to take sides when Eve expects him to, especially when his mother is concerned.His reasons are simple: Eve has yet to learn unconditional love, she is always threatening to pack up and jet out after every fight, yet Adam’s mum, has been by his side, keeps no accounts of his shortcomings and wrongs and has never threatened to decamp. With that in perspective, Eve can throw tantrums, Adam will not get anywhere near that web.
6. Beauty and seduction: Adam’s expectation on beauty and seduction never dies because he is a visual being. They repeated the old one; be his lady in public, a chef in the kitchen and whore between his sheets. That made-up lie they peddle that “you look beautiful natural” stems from his fear of having his Eve looking like she is leading a circus As he struggles to keep trim and all sexy, he expects his Eve to put some effort too.
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By Naomi- Guest Writer