Of Contours & Proportions

Many of us tend to have an ideal partner sketched out in our heads. We all sort of have a shopping list of ‘must have’ traits. Some of the common characteristics Adams & Eves want in their partners include honesty, intelligence, stability, sense of humor, communication, common hobbies and interests. Each gender happens to focus on different specific qualities. Whilst Eves tend to look for a sense of connection, Adams tend to desire a relationship that allows autonomy. Now that we’re over the niceties, let’s get down to business.

There is a certain flock of Eves who, when they stride into a room, cause everyone to stop and stare, and for good although superficial reason. Ask a group of Adams (not around a beer table) what confuses them at first sight and you are likely to get some of the most run-of-the-mill answers: full lips, full bosom and full bum. Short, precise and quick  biological adjectives that turn many an Adam’s head. With beautiful physical traits and features being an Adam’s kryptonite, most will never hesitate in committing to the challenge of trying out a quick win on the ‘sent from heaven’ eve in question. The hallmark of the chase is in focusing on endowment and all other important attributes are relegated to the back, nay, exterior of the celebral cortex. Anything that would require a test of time doesn’t stand a chance.

Regardless of how polished, urbane, respectable or simple a man is, a woman’s looks are bound to turn any man into an ‘objectifier’. There is beauty in seeing a lion hunt. It will creep up on its prey with great purpose, furtively weaving in between folds of bush and grass. Long before the prey realizes the stealthy attack, it will be struggling out of the big curly claws but to no avail. A little bit too late. A clear depiction of unrivaled wisdom. What’s with the cliché? Well, Adams will agree that seeing a pride of lions hunt stirs your loins. It yanks us to the reality of this dating game. But then as it goes with ego, a lion won’t pounce on a rabbit when a gazelle is gladly mooching around. It is this relative ‘ego’ that pulls Adams to the beauty, to the contours of voluptuousness, to well-toned and well-framed features at the expense of the inner, emotional and social attributes that helps cement a union.

Of course, part of the attraction between Adam and Eve is often times based on the superficial elements: the contours, the proportions, the gait, etc; that is given. It is the same way that Eves pursue the TDH. But then things have to elevate from there.  Now, if a relationship is built only on contours and proportions, then it is likely to remain superficial and will not make for a healthy, long-term relationship. Come to think of it, a relationship driven by money and the lame factor of trying to impress is unlikely to make it even to a month. With time, personalities unravel and if they complement each other, then hail to love and all that; however, if you find that all that beauty was encasing an ignorant type, morbidly insecure, mean, petty, shallow or boringly close-minded individual – then this will likely serve as anti-climax to any form of a relationship that does not involve linking feet.

In some circumstances (they say love is blind), it is heartbreak that opens eyes wide open to the importance of having taken time to know your Eve before going the whole nine yards. Case in point is the tale of a certain US based old lawyer Frank Harvey (not his real name) who followed his beauty queen.”I did everything for my woman”, he says. “I quit my job, moved to New York, changed my friends, my exercise regime and my haircut – all because she wanted me to. When we broke up, I was basically left with nothing. Not even an identity. I had to build myself back from scratch”. In hindsight, that’s what can be referred to as daft at the very least. He followed her beauty and beguiling ways, but he didn’t know completely whom he had been committing to and never knew why he had been getting into a relationship in the first place. Hell, she was a stunner but that’s where his search had stopped. Beauty stuns both from the inside just as well as from the outside.

Adams, there are some fundamentals that also need to be roused if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship. The secret lies in taking time. Whereas your loins may be stirred, the test of time is a good one – there is a saying that with time, all will be revealed. It is critical to know your own values, wants and needs before you enter a relationship. Take your time getting to know each other’s personality, history and values to evaluate whether you two can join hands in beating the drums of love. Taking time makes you come to the reality that a relationship’s success doesn’t lie in the satisfaction that comes with full lips, full bosom and soulful eyes only. It helps you gauge if she’s rational, logical, a curious mind, and a big-picture thinker; if she looks out to the edge of the universe as opposed to sitting around all day kissing the ground. Taking time acquaints you with the boring type, one who doesn’t hold an opinion to the type who does not believe what kings and priests tell her, holding ideas of her own consequently presenting a challenge to life and making it interesting.

Have your say.

By Sokaylujo, Guest Writer

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22 thoughts on “Of Contours & Proportions

  1. Ladies, I got the email this morning, thank you kindly. 🙂

    Mr S (I’m struggling to get my tongue around the name, sorry…), I’m speechless… This was bloody brilliant!!! One question though, where are you in all this?

  2. Alex, call me Socrates. Don’t bite off your tongue and blame it on my cryptic pseudoname (-i’m not ready for a probable lawsuit, not now.) As regards to your question, I won’t assure the world that I’m a man nursing perfection. I’m sensitive to full lips,full bossom and full bum too, but not enough to upset my principles and values.God gave me brakes (as the case with other adams) and so I always find it relevant to apply.

    • Socrates? Much better, less lawsuit inducing. Ha! Here I was thinking you were a “Frank Harvey”, but it seems to not be the case, and thats a good thing, no? Kudos, again, you’ve given us something to think about (I hope…).

      • Frank Harvey? No. I’m way beyond. To get you thinking and consequently plying the right route is all I anticipate. Hope you’re not a Frank Harvey too.

      • Of course not. But I have been, unfortunately, many years ago, almost all women have been that foolish at one point in their youth no? No? Ah well… Ha!

        On an unrelated note, currently at yours, trying to figure out a poem…

    • @mmnjug, very logical of you to have observed. I’m sure you’ve picked something worthwhile. Thanks for reading.
      @Shikomsa. Project 44 is the place to be. The table is always laid ready for industrious people like you and with the super chefs around (Fridah and Joice), the meal is always delicious.

  3. interesting piece reminds me lessos written ‘mwanamke ni tabia’ yet i can never resist full bossom, full behinds and great ‘sitting allowance’ Bartender hit me

    • Yes, the coast folk of the old who came up with that wise phrase were up to something sensible. I concur with your take on how irresistible those well formed features can be to the eye, but then it will be better for “beauty appreciate” part of it, but not the hallmark for an ideal relationship.

      • people actually do judge books by their cover so i guess as much as full bosoms, full lips are out of control of the ladies, they should task at making the most of what they have. Translation make sure u look as beautiful as your flat ass can let you. And please do away with the weaves.

  4. @jahnekoh.. I’ll assume our good ladies have digested your point.Speaking of weaves,i dare second you with a heavy foot stumping.Good to learn that we do fancy the same hate.Those ‘bird-nests’ are bloody disgusting! I suggest they preserve them for their old age.

    • Woolie Kondoo..Explore we must. It’s good to see with the eyes and search with our minds..a better one for ‘us’ in the field-me inclusive.

  5. “Whilst Eves tend to look for a sense of connection, Adams tend to desire a relationship that allows autonomy” Which Autonomy is the writer talking about? Maybe semi-autonomy 🙂

    • So Mimi is curious ? Autonomy. That is to the eves who’re so clingy, eves who monitor their man’s every move; always suspecting, sometimes accusing with no substantial proof, dissecting further into issues beyond her control…So insecure. Come on, sometimes adams need their space and time. Given more research, I think that’s a trait affiliated with testosterone and so it’s hard to change. It calls for understanding, especially for adams who try their best.
      Apparently Mimi is not that eve,Good lord!

  6. For old cats like me, we just admire with the eyes now that we have already taken care of the other attributes! As they say, hata paka mzee anakunywa maziwa! Good post Socrates! Will check out your blog

  7. Socrates your take on this matter is pretty fascinating. Very true though how many people like to pretend that this is not the case at all.

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