The ‘Mula’, Adam and Eve

What’s in a name? It has the same effect whether you call it ‘Mula’, ‘Benjamins’, Mo1s’ or simply money. They say that money is power and that it makes the world go round (as if it wasn’t already orbiting round the sun). We have seen it transform people, right? Come on now, accept it – an Eve or Adam who was not ‘all that’ seems more handsome or pretty (he he he) the minute they start bringing in serious ‘Mula’.

If it has these ‘effects’ (outward, I know), then no one should underestimate, the power of money to ruin even the strongest of relationships. This is because money has a place in all our lives, we need it to survive. Due to various changes (high cost of living, the equality debates, women’s empowerment, etc) that have occurred in society, the responsibility of ensuring this survival no longer rests on Adam alone. Eve too has to chip in almost at the same level as Adam (if not more at times), and there lies the problem; this has led to a distortion on the balance of power in relationships.

When Eve brings more ‘Benjamins’ than Adam, the equation seems not to balance. When Adam brings in more than Eve, it seems that x+y=xy. Many people say that when Adam is the one providing and taking up a big chunk of the financing, the relationship seems to ‘flourish’. The issue comes in when Eve is faced with a situation where she has to support Adam especially during those hard times. All of a sudden, Eve has a problem with it. This could be a valid observation, and I think it has to do with the way we are socialised. Steve Harvey, the author of ‘Think Like Man, Act Like a Lady’ said that Adam is defined (by himself and society) by, among other things, his ability to provide. Now, when this power to provide is reduced or simply absent coupled with the fact that Eve is doing better than him, his ego can be battered – sometimes irreparably. May I also add that if Adam is not wise enough to ‘discern the times’, he might contribute to the annihilation of his ego?

So let us delve into this picture where Eve is the one with the ‘Mo1s’. For example, Eve could be engrossed in a conversation and then say something which ends up hurting Adam, not because she intended to, but because Adam is aware of the fact that when it comes to money issues, he does not have the upper hand. I know, I know; sweeping with a broad broom, but picture these scenarios.

Scenario 1: Typical Adam: Eve makes a suggestion to go on holiday to some glamorous place (someone say, ‘Shompole’J), the dude is looking at Eve like, ‘how am I supposed to finance that?’ Or Eve is going through a household interior design magazine pointing at the kind of bedroom or kitchen she would like to have and all over sudden, Adam gets uncomfortable. This is all because he knows that he is supposed to provide so he feels pressured; he does not want to entertain the thought of co-financing, because he has been brought up believing that he is ‘the man’ in all aspects’ especially when it comes to providing for his own. Any footing of expensive bills by Eve may make Adam feel like she is ‘rubbing it in’. Eve is left wondering how on God’s earth she is supposed to cope with Adam’s feelings of insecurity. This of course depends on what kind of Eve we are talking about here because while some Eves will wield their pay cheques like WOAD (Weapon of Adam Destruction), others are wise enough to know when Adam needs support and do so with grace and without grumbling.

Scenario 2: Atypical Adam: This is the one who wants what he cannot underwrite. He does not have the ‘Mula’ to do it but since he knows that Eve can finance it, he becomes a true thorn in the flesh. He wants to install an expensive music system in his ride (like it is an engine); dons expensive designer clothes (he never wore any before Eve came along); swims in the most expensive liquor (what happened to ‘my country my beer’?). He wants Eve to pay for cable TV, so that he and probably the ‘boys’ can come and enjoy soccer in a cozy environment every other weekend especially when the money to throw liquor around is in short supply. Since Eve loves the guy, she might try to come to a compromise, but there is a big problem because she is not sure how to balance the act without feeling drained. Maybe she is the frugal kind, yes she may have a six figure salary but she does not want to spend on ‘vanity’; this six letter word does not come cheap.

All these scenarios present a quandary for the pair; the relationship must stand not only the test of time, but the test of ‘Mula’ too and only the wise ones know how to pull out of it together and emerge strong. So Eves and Adams, what is your perspective on this issue and is there a way to strike a balance?

Have your say!

By Fridah

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21 thoughts on “The ‘Mula’, Adam and Eve

  1. Woh!, This is indeed one delicate balancing act. It would be easy for me to say that 2 people in that relationship should have discussed all financial scenarios conclusively but truth is, it is difficult when reality strikes. My humble opinion is this: I am assuming this is a marriage scenario. The man is the head, always, finances not withstanding, so if it came down to the wife being the sole breadwinner (let’s say he loses his job) I, the wife, would still hand over the cash to him to distribute as per our needs as a family if that was what he did before. Keeping in mind we all have our different roles in the relationship. I believe openess is key to avoid misconceptions. But it is difficult!

  2. Personally, the issue of money is a no brainer in my house. I have a background in finance, but that is not the whole story though. The rule is written in stone: I buy what I can afford and if I cannot afford it I will only sacrifice for it depending on how needful it is for the family.

    Now, my wife will probably be earning more than me in the near future (you know those damned Masters ladies are good at multi-tasking in?). But she’ll need another think if ever she would at some point imagine that an enhanced pay is a ticket to my emasculation. He he he

    Anyway, and this I say with all due respect, women generally are confused about managing their men’s expectation when they come into big money. Indulging a man’s fancies like in Scenario II above is an absolute NO NO NO, that is the beginning of your descent into hell. Reminding him about who has the bills taken care of will only get you some temporary kick but it is the fastest route to killing any romance in that union.

    Ladies, managing your money and keeping your husband and keeping your head as well is a delicate balance of maintaining a clear perspective on the goals and values you attach to the union as well as not being a jerk just because life favoured you. It is that simple.

    Remember, never hit a man when is down. Many women have that habit when they fall into good money. When he rises up, trust me you will pay. Dearly.

    And you scrub (that was TLC’s as in T-Boz, Left-Eye n Coco, description of those shaddy-ass men who want to eat their cake and have it) reading this, get your game up, ‘the times they are a-changin’ to borrow a line from Bob Dylan, (whose birthday was yesterday by the way) the ladies are not locked in the kitchen no more.

    • Good to have you back – I am nodding a lot at paragraph 4.

      Like your gravatar – reminds me of the Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole

  3. what happened to ‘my country my beer’… hehehe!

    Very interesting read. It’s quite tricky when the chick brings in the big bucks. She has to be really smart to keep things from blowing out of proportion.

    Are you sure x+y=xy?

  4. Actually, eve’s should learn to find a way to make adam believe they come up with the money ideas especially in relationships where eve is the source. i haven’t really wrapped my hands around dating a souirce gal but i guess when she starts rubbing in accidentally or intentionally i would say “Who’s the man in this relationship?”

  5. My advice to all Adams would be to hustle for that mulla/wealth as if their lives depended on it. This is because if your Eve has more money than you she will always flaunt it on your face regardless of whether she is understanding/humble or not. The first few months she will pretend like it is all good then eventually you’ll be thrown out Mr. Broke Adam.

    • It’s sad that you feel this way and yet you have echoed the sentiments of alot of Kenyan guys…I know of someone who is terrified of letting her partner know that she makes more than he does ‘coz she believes that the day he finds out (and eventually he will in my books) is the day she will lose him…

      When we (girls) are in school, our parents stress the importance of studying and working hard…being able to proudly stand on your own two feet…not to just rely on our looks…but they never warn us that our society will probably punish us if we excel and come out tops now do they? How many Kenyan guys do you know, who will publicly come out, point at their more successful partner and produly say ‘That’s my girl.’ ?

  6. Interesting comments….the test of a relation comes when 1. You have children 2. Money issues.
    I don’t have much to say but, if as a couple you lay everything on the table. Arguments on what to spend will reduce by 80%. he he my take people!
    In a relationship you never hide your pay check – period!

  7. 🙂 reminds me of the scenario where Eve went ahead and bought a house without informing the Adam (as a surprise)…then informs him that they should move into it and save on money they pay for rent….it finally took the intervention of the pastor for him to move into “her” house, but he lives with the phrase, “wewe ndio umeoa ama wewe ndio umeolewa” (loosely translated, “did she marry you??”…he may just go mental from the insults from his “friends”

  8. Mula is a big breaker in marriages. As @wanjoro has stated, Adam still remains the head of the house, and that goes for finances as well. I guess respect and assurance from Eve would ensure money doesn’t become a problem. Easier said than done, that’s why @Ghafla!Guy is spot on.

  9. very interesting comments. All i have to say in that Eves should avoid the Adam in scenario2,it is just not doable…I subscribe to the idea that Eve and Adam should take care of their business,no one should expect the other to foot bills or pay rent ( ahem Eves!),of course you can buy each other gifts and spoil each other is you wish but it should not be a precondition.

    Another point which is an old advise,although most people do not heed it is;people should discuss money issues before getting married and keep the discussion even after marriage.

    This is a broad topic and can explored even further.

  10. P.S the idiom should be ‘all of a sudden’ not ‘all over sudden’ Anyway, its funny how a man who suddenly lands on big ‘mula’ becomes handsome! I agree with you Fridah on finances & relationships and my take is that it depends on the couple for some its a big issue for others it’s not

  11. One thing I know and I am no expert, eves are more than frugal, they are kinda stingy unless they are buying things no one needs or uses like many shoes, many sets of kitchenette, curtain changes ever so often (who cares that curtains do not match the couch?) I could go on but I don’t want to be lynched…

  12. Where from do you import these hilarious lingos i.e WOAD (Weapon of Adam Destruction),and many a ton i’ve had to come across.They bring fun into business and that’s why i never get tired reading your pieces to the end.
    About the issue at hand,i’d stick to the societal norms and work out as a real man ought to.Falling back to pay dialogue and reaching an agreement that is compatible with the male and female roles will be ideal,however much mula than I she’s churning. If I get stuck,i’ll ask her to help but not enough to make her feel the pinch and when i’m in form,i’ll comfortably retain my role.
    If she whines about the kind of bedroom or kitchen she wishes to have,we’ll have to sit down and look at it better,see if it is to the best interest and well being of the family.If it is reasonable and i don’t have enough,then why not pull resources together and commit to the challenge,? I think its all a matter of sitting down and jointly working your way around it.
    My opinion.

  13. Dusting off my Bible here – Prov 31 describes a good woman — she goes out and trades and buys land and other superwoman feats, and hubby praises her. When I go to rural areas, it’s the women holding up the economies there – in the farms, markets etc. They literally provide for their families. I dunno where this notion of men being the sole providers came from. I challenge men to give their women room to flourish. If you show her respect, it will come back to you in equal measure. Don’t go for a PhD – pull her down – just because you are feeling insecure or inadequate. Iron sharpens iron. If you are not married, go for a strong woman that will challenge you to be the best you can be, not one that will massage your ego and never challenges you point of view, and two decades later you have barely improved yourself. Men let your women fly, and be the mirror in which you see yourself! Men, stand up and be men.
    My two cents Fridah.

  14. ooohh I Love the money issue…ADAM 3 Ps..Provide..Protect(refer to my comment onTall men)..Profess….
    I dont mind Eves providing as long as Adams start breast feeding and going to labor wards to Push and not to watch…BALANCED EQUATION

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