Depending on how long it lasted, quality of interaction and connection, how much or what you invested in it, the end of a relationship can be and is often devastating.
If you have been through one, you are familiar with that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, feelings of inadequacy, betrayal and rejection all welling up inside you like a tormentor’s flame. Looking back to what you shared, there are so many reminders about the person: what the person meant to you, the happy moments and all the plans you had for the future. By the way, I could be wrong but I think that it does not matter whether you are the one who called off the relationship or the other party did – the bottom line is that it always brings up a feeling of loss. The person you loved and cared for is ‘no more’, and somehow you must find a way to move on. It is called a break-up. I have been through one or two; my friends have been through them too….
So you want to move away from the past but these considerations and the uncertainty about what the future holds stand before you there like a statue. You know how statues mostly stand, somewhere with this imposing presence, you have no choice but notice them, right? Yeah, that way, except that the statue is not there for all to see, it is more vivid in your mind. Even those friends who tell you how much of a jerk she/he is do not quite grasp the magnitude of what is going on within. Only you know how imposing the presence is and how everything seems insurmountable – especially in the initial days of the break-up. However, we all know that we cannot be in this state forever; somehow, the ‘statue’ must fall. One has to do whatever it takes to get out of the situation and move on with life.
One of my girlfriends who was working in Asia was in a long distance relationship with this dude for God-knows-how-long – well, long enough for her to contemplate leaving her job so that she could move and be with him in Africa – it was what they both wanted. She informed her boss that she would not renew her contract and in a few months time, she would be joining her boyfriend. However, this was not to be because the guy called her up one day and told her, very casually, that he was no longer keen on it. It took her months to get over the rejection and she told me that when it happened, “I felt like I was bursting at the seams.” The guy would not answer her calls and he did not tell her what the issue was. Eventually, she moved on, it took a while but the statue fell.
Then there is another buddy, this dude is a hopeless romantic. I was updated about everything including when he took her to meet his mum. When they broke up, it took me by surprise. She had decided she wanted to date someone else; according to him, it was from the blues. Was he devastated? Yes, very – to the extent that he told me “you know Fridah, even if I fell into a pit, I would not pray that God delivers me from the pit; instead, I would ask Him to make her come back”. He was deeply hurting. This one took long to heal – there was probably some divine intervention – but the statue fell. That’s not all, he later met another chic, dated and they got married. They have an addition in the family – as in a kid 🙂 (who is brooding?!)
I read somewhere that although it is good and healthy to mourn the loss of the relationship, one needs to ensure that there is a balance between how long the relationship lasted and how long you take to mourn. For example, you cannot take one year to mourn the loss of a relationship which lasted two months. No matter how great getting into the cookie jar was or how much they made you feel wanted – here, you do not mourn, you just move on and if you meet a new mate tomorrow, just date them, no one will say you are on the rebound he he he, just kidding! But you get the point. It is true, some break-ups hurt like hell but surely, everything must come with proportion.
So maybe you or a loved one is going through this and sometimes, it feels like the emotions will not let up, you have probably tried everything including begging her/him to come back and they won’t and it has dawned on you that they are keen to loosen their grip on the relationship. Dust yourself up, you will be pleased to know a time will come, when you will reflect, not see or feel the statue for it will have disintegrated.
Have a statue free week! 🙂