Laws of Attraction

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.Roy Croft.

Ever found yourself pondering over something for days and days?  OK, that sounds like a lame start to a post hehehehe. Here is the thing, I have met many new people in the past weeks, mostly at parties where introductions go something like this, “Hi Fridah, meet my boyfriend” or “I think my boyfriend lost his direction to the party” but a few minutes later, the boyfriend arrives, and she says, “Fridah, this is my boyfriend, he lives just a few blocks away”. I would not exactly call it being accosted by these introductions but yes, I have been meeting Eves’ boyfriends, husbands and fiancés and ‘friends with benefits’ too :). In all these, one question has lingered in my mind: what gets people attracted to each other?’ It is not exactly a novel thought but the reason why it has crossed my mind is that some of these couples seemed mismatched.

We all have our thing(s) when it comes to what we think is attractive in a potential Eve or Adam. Some people have a thing for physique. Now, do not be fooled when you hear Eve saying that is does not matter, it does – this ranks way up there for many Eves; in fact, some will even dissect it further and say Adam “must have a cute ass”. You may hear that phrase and start getting confused but the reality is that some Eves have their eyes on Adam’s posterior. I confess that I have a thing for fingers – OK, I know that sounds odd, OK gross 😉 but it is a physical attribute that intrigues me. However, sometimes it is hard to put your finger on it, like what exactly gets one attracted – all I can tell you is that  some of these attractions can feel like electric voltage going through your mortal body, especially when you seem to check all the boxes as far as the exterior goes. Come on now! I said it before, everyone deserves the right to a jolt of this electric voltage – in fact, I think it should be declared an inherent fundamental right, that since all human beings are born equal, everyone must experience this feeling at least once in a lifetime.

So Eve will wish that he is tall, dark, with smashing looks, a six pack and money in his wallet (why don’t you just say Tsonga – and no, I am not self combusting as I write this ;)). I believe all that stuff about the ego and how it does not allow us to have meaningful interaction when we meet someone for the first time, because we give them an outward ‘once over’ and write them off immediately – our minds tell us ‘no  chance!’ (well, unless he comes back in a Bugatti). The fact is that Eves do that a lot of the time:  they look at a guy and say to themselves “do not even think about it mate”. And then of course, there is that part of Eve that wants her friends to see her with a ‘yummy’ guy, even if the other facets of the package are far from perfect. Ego has a lot to do with it. Maybe I should stop pondering because I know the answer….

So in all these introductions, I met this couple. I will single them out because they seem like a most unlikely couple .She is pretty, very pretty, with a lot of energy and excellent people skills. When we met, we hit if off immediately, she told me about the country at length and I thought that she is really cool. Amid the conversation, she told me, “I live together with these guys and my boyfriend” and she pointed at him. Normally, you are supposed to offer compliments or something (right?) J. I said “nice” as in nice that they have their little ‘community’. He is not ugly or anything, it is just that if I had been told to guess, I would probably have paired her with the best looking dude in the house that night. I met the pair of them again on another night and I thought to myself – well, they seem happy, maybe this is the missing code: hook up with an unlikely guy and it will work!

Around this time, Joyce turned up with ‘The Weather Men’ post and how these ‘metereological men’ have this unenviable ability to unleash ‘fog’ in unbelievable proportions. I was reminded of this friend (I swear it is not me!) who was dating this handsome Adam; this man looked edible, and by edible I mean in all ways that led another friend to say that this Adam was so good looking, “anakaa kama anaweza wekwa kwa sahani akuliwe na ugali”. This loosely translates from Swahili to mean “he looks likes he can be laid on a platter and be eaten” and when that is said in Kiswahili, I laugh until the morning comes. Now this does not apply to all good looking men but we know that there are some problems that bedevil dating ‘an edible man’, other than the attention from all quarters and always being on one’s toes just in case he gets snatched away in broad daylight. Some of these edible men have an ability to command “fog”. This friend of mine experienced it – for all the man’s looks, he proceeded to unlease so much fog on her and I thought dismally, well, this is what one gets for hooking up with “edible umande commanders” (fog). I am not saying she was going for his looks – there must have been something more to him that she liked, and for sure it was not his fog unleashing capabilities.

If you ask Eves for their opinion on this, you will hear interesting views. One Eve told me that it is not necessary that a man is smashing hot, he must only be bearable to look at. Of course this was said in jest, but you will not blame me for raising my plucked eyesbrows and thinking about him – yeah, you know who …………Tsonga! ( I am self combusting now hahahahha) and Hill Harper and Michael Ealy (in that order) and then moving from my eye candy (it is futile imagination, I know) to embracing the “bearable”, also known as “Mr. Regulars”. OK, I am kidding! I have dated the “unlikely” guy and well, I do not have a story with a happy ending to tell. But these seemingly ‘mismatched’ couples got me thinking and you can tell that they have inspired this post. They spurred something in me and reminded me of what the essence of a relationship is: being happy together, sharing life, living life and just being there for each other. And this may not necessarily have anything to do with how a guy looks.

So, on a serious note, to you all Eves out there, think of how many Adams you have written off – just based on how they do not meet your stringent physique criteria and then turned around and declared “there are no men to date”. I mean, he does not have to be as tall as you thought, or as eloquent, with a great sense of humor, a Barry White voice and long fingers that set your imagination on a sprint. Men have all these other qualities that can only be unearthed only by interacting and that means you have to look beyond the stringent criteria. Of course, you will still have aspects that you would find attractive (remember that that inherent voltage right, ;))?

I hope that next time an opportunity presents, you will remember this post and be inspired to explore even when the initial seems improbable. Give it a try and see how or where it goes, right?

Have a good week!

By Fridah

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8 thoughts on “Laws of Attraction

  1. I am loving this post. you are very right about women and how we write men off at face value without giving them a chance to see what they are all about. and sometimes you will meet someone who does not meet your bill but as you spend time with them you discover good and great things about them…..

    I totally agree about the inherent right to voltage – someone talk to ban ki moon!

    Good one Fridah

  2. ‘… laid on a platter and….’ Some people have all the luck! A tall friend once taunted me, all he needs to do is show up and stand pretty, while the rest of us yap our mouths off just to get a glance!

    I know how being looked over feels like. Worse, I know how being told to ‘Piss off’ feels like (refer to my guest post). Not looking for sympathy, it’s adds up to what makes the man. Makes him cherish his woman more, when he gets her. All said and done, Alls well that ends well.

  3. You are right. You know many times we focus on the outside, forgetting that character far outweighs all these. Its possible to get a shorter man and he still makes a great husband. Thanks for the insight to this.

  4. Guilty…………So, on a serious note, to you all Eves out there, think of how many Adams you have written off – just based on how they do not meet your stringent physique criteria and then turned around and declared “there are no men to date”

  5. hmmm……..i read somewhere that the amount of b.s. a woman is able to put up with can be directly proportionate to how hot a man is….hotness depends on the be(er)holder but there is some truth in that statement…keep an open mind

  6. Thanks y’all for weighing in and hope somehow, the message at the end stuck somewhere 🙂

    Although my personal favorite is the “voltage” part (grin)

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