As a person, I am of the preference of not dating someone I have known for less than a year. No, it is not that I am a member of the ‘play-hard-to-get’ club – let’s face it, you just can’t fake some things, but I digress. I am just a person who believes that humans, unlike buildings, tend to be more of depreciating assets. The value of the first impression they give you is slowly eroded by the effect of time. Therefore, I feel the importance of moving the car beyond the showroom and checking out its performance on the road for a while.
I am sure we all know this story, we have been through it countless number of times, and we identify with it. When we first meet people, the first couple of months are simply magical. They seem to get an A in everything. The guy calls often, texts every morning and evening. He seems to remember everything about you that you say. For those initial moments you seem to be the most important person to him. He is also very committed to making things work, he does all the possible things he has heard from church, read from books or been advised to do. He is a picture of perfection; you can’t seem to find anything wrong. The lady too is a lovely being, she is oh so sweet, says all the right things at the right time, her looks are nearly almost always perfect, she is not the pushy one or the one who drives you insane…you feel like you have landed gold.
Time passes and the story becomes interesting…rather more dramatic. The dude starts to strain to call you, text you and even meet you. He used to have time to meet you or would make it but as time goes by, eh things get thick and he can’t manage to meet you for one or two reasons. Then…wait for it…the sweet Eve begins to lash out at Adam. Oops…the perfect mirror breaks, the illusion begins to fall apart. The Adam you once trusted becomes a disappointment, they become the reason you are frustrated half the time, and the reality of the fakeness of it comes. You begin to wonder why you liked this Eve and when she picked up the talent of pissing you off every so often. Her once clean slate now has oily sticky smudges that cannot go away. There begins the rising of temperatures, the complaints escalating, each one trying hard to get back the illusion version that they had liked so much. Sadly, the illusion will never resurrect…it was just a fallacy.
However, even in all the dissolution, there are rays of hope. You still remain because there are still some burning splints that keep you there. Even in the mess of it all, you notice that he is still a kind man; he apologizes for his errors and tries to make up for it. He still cares about you and panics when ‘criminal groups’ are prowling the town and you are within Moi Avenue. He is still protective of you. He remembers the details of your life like you told him yesterday. She, on the other hand is caring;she is the one who helps you look for that job, attends your gigs, she even helps set up and set down, and she is your fan. She finds a way to help you out when you are stuck and doesn’t mind that you are a ‘sufferer’. She is still a great listener, and if you’ve pissed her off, you learn to give her a little time.
The great lesson of it all is simply that character is consistent; it is the consistency of choices made by a person, the ability to sustain a certain mode of operation. The things that are truly in a person’s nature remain evident even when other things fall apart. The things they were doing to impress you begin to suffer failure as they were not their true character. It is at this point that you begin to ask if you can survive them. You begin to understand how to deal with their incredible mood swings. You begin to learn to be on time – if you are dating people like me who strive to keep time and look like a red boiling tomato when someone is late J, I won’t lie – patience is not Fearless Nazirite’s strong attribute. You begin to alter some things in your relationship to suit the present human.
I guess we really are like cars. Every single car depreciates once it’s off the showroom. The difference in a good one and a bad one is its general performance on the road, even with its evident failures when compared to others. It the same way humans are once they are off the grace period. In much the same way, some people afford Bentleys and others afford Toyotas. I can stand perfectionists and moody characters, heck I have lived with them all my life, I am a bright personality, and it’s difficult to keep me pissed. Their moods may irritate me, but it’s not too big an issue, I will still laugh and have fun with my moody people rather effortlessly. My roomie on the other hand cannot stand a moody person J. I find it hard to romantically cope with a talkative person (even though I am such a story teller) – I like my men reserved and predictable, a sense of solitude in them. Now give such a man to my roomie, eer…she may not make it. She is quite the solitude solace herself… In the end, the perfect picture may have depreciated, the illusions fallen apart, but you need to know that their bad breath will not kill you, hence my preference for taking my one year getting to know the real person behind the effort. I want to know I like what is there when you are just being you. I need to know a man’s bad breath shall not kill me …then I can wake up next to him and know I shall surely not die…
By Fearless Nazirite – Guest Writer