“You have to open up to the world and learn optimism…Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimism.”- Jennifer  Crusie

So this is what is going to happen here today, I will borrow a leaf from @Munene Gangi, be vulnerable, and blog about myself; not random musings – I promise – I  do not want @Mahegoat to come back and yell at me like he did a while ago.

They say that for every door that closes, there is an open window and someone is encouraged to look at the window and not lament about the door that is shut. But let’s face it, it can be hard to recognize the window – let alone realize that it is open – when a door closes and all you hear is the sound of double latching after it has closed. I am talking about the end of a relationship. You see, when you have invested your all to build a relationship and then it does not work, it is not only your ego that takes a beating, the heart is left numb and sore. Remember the ode? Sometimes it feels like your heart has been ripped off your chest and someone has trampled on it over and over again.

I can only hope I am with people who have experienced this because now, I feel like there are people out making faces asking “Now, where is Fridah going with all this?”:) Come on! You know some of these break-ups can be bizarre; you cannot make head, tail or torso of what is going on. But I have to say that if you have been through one break-up, the life-is-beautiful--large-msg-134686243726subsequent ones do not  hurt as bad, right? These unforgiving life experiences teach you that we are all fallible, we will make mistakes, your significant other is not the Almighty, hence will make mistakes; and when you realize this, sometimes it helps to gather yourself and move on.

So, a while ago, I went through a break-up. Like the post titled ‘The Song’, I was handed a new song, and honestly, I did not know how to ‘sing’ and I did not want to ‘sing’ that particular ‘song’. Some of these dark moments can be difficult to navigate! I have learnt that even when someone tries to remain afloat – getting on with daily life – even in the smiles and everyday chores, those who know you can still see the pain. And they will probe hard, wanting to know how you are holding up (if they know what you are going through) or why you “do not look yourself” (if they are aware of the kind of “incoherence” that has been unleashed on you. Good thing is that nothing lasts forever, light shines in the darkness!

My light came in the form of an old friend; I met this guy back in 2007, we had an instant connection, we became good friends but somehow, we knew that there was nothing much we could do with that connection. We were both clear about where we wanted to go in the next years; we were both going to be in different continents over a period of time. So we kept in touch, random emails and chats online but nothing serious. This communication would be punctuated by long periods of silence but also sometimes very random but meaningful communication. Of course in between, we met other people who caught our fancy, and we would talk about it but not details – everyone leading their life, pursuing their dream.

So you get why his random phone call, just a few weeks after a break-up is hence forth called the light. It was late at night, I had begun to see why the relationship in question had to come to an end and I have to say, I was beginning to step into a good place emotionally, my heartfelt lighter. So we talked, caught up and from then on, we exchanged texts, flirted like little kids but nothing specific. Soon, we were reconnected, and somehow, we were both aware of the feelings or are they emotions? It felt nice, natural and unforced. We had both evolve in more ways than one, kind of in a good zone as far as our goals were concerned and could tell that there was inner peace and sense of accomplishment. Distance was still a challenge, at this time I was in Kenya he was all over the seas of this world – sailing.

Sailor: I am coming home soon and I can’t wait to see you

Me: “Me too! When are you coming?”

Sailor: “In about one week and will come up to the village and meet you”

Me: “Wait, wait, my mum will see you and exclaim “My Lord liveth!”


Sailor: “Why would she say that?” More laughter.

Me: “Because if you come home, she will say you are the man that she has been praying for”

Sailor:  “I believe I am”

Me:  Giggle

Sailor: “Come on! You know the only reason why we are not together is not because we did not fancy each other; it is because we were at different points in our lives. Now we are both in a good place, I would like us to meet and have a chat about it, see if we can make our paths cross because sometimes you have to make things happen.”

No, my  knees did not  go weak, neither did my palms start to sweat; my heart continued beating, I guess because I was not sure what was going on. Why? you may ask. Well, I think when you have been through all kind of FOG, which includes being in relationships where you gave your all and the guy still metamorphosed into a weatherman, then you look around and hear “Adams are not willing to make commitment, they are normallysolarsystem1 led to the altar like sheep, kicking and screaming”, then you sort of believe that maybe I should make my own slaughter house and lead one of them there!

See, this guy sort of debunked all those myths about Adams not wanting to get committed and Eve has been made to believe that she must ‘fight’, beg even, for some attention and some kind of commitment from Adam. This is why I felt like I was not on this earth, like I had been   launched into emhmmmhh ……..into Jupiter; that other planet where Adams are actually coherent, say what they want without making Eve feel like she needs to prove her worth or pass some rigorous interviews and tests.

After this chat with the sailor, I got on my Whatsapp and texted Joyce. I sent her a smile and she asks me what I am smiling about. I tell her “Jupiter”. She laughs and asks me what exactly it meant. I explained, she sends a smiley “rolling on the floor” and says, that is another code word added to our long list of stupid niceties in life. Then she quips, “So there are Adams who talks like that?” Then sends another ‘rolling on the floor’ smiley. Don’t you just love these friends, people who laugh or find beauty in little things in life?

Do not be fooled, Eves ( and even Adams), there are people out there, not necessarily in Jupiter but right here on this planet where we live and walk, who actually “talk like that” as in they want and plan stuff. This will probably make sense only to people who want some kind of commitment or relationships with some kind of clarity. So next time you are hanging around someone who is not clear about what they want, will not discuss anything in detail, and seems a bit allergic to long terms plans, then unless you are looking for temporal stuff, just look at them in the eye and tell them that you are heading to ‘Jupiter!’

Part two of this story will follow :).

Have a good week

By Fridah


20 thoughts on “Jupiter

  1. The one constant danger in relationship break ups is indifference. Nothing neuters an Adam or an Eve like indifference. But again the rush borne out of fear to counter indifference could also lead to other mistakes that messes up everything when you settle for anyone that crosses your path.

    On your way to ‘Jupiter’ just make sure you are on the right shuttle lest you end up in Mars (he is the god of war, you know).

    Now, smile and let the world smile back and then look up, the world does not end with a break up, does it?


    • it’s like you took a scene right out of my life….the last break up i had turned me numb and indifferent and i found it very scary. i have slowly been growing out of it – the trouble is at some point i felt like i was going to Mars and that felt scary too (read lots of questions asking ‘what is it???’) – i pray i am in the Jupiter shuttle now….

  2. I cannot help but feel that he will come over, trip the lights fantastic or mathogothanio with you for as long as his ship is on dock then off he goes until the next docking session. He is a sailor you know.

    He might even let you pay for the privilege.

    Part two of this tale will therefore be a long drawn whine about the process this will take you through, the pain, the tears, ndrama na vindeo the whole works.

    It serves you right. I have yet to forgive you for writing a whole thread and not mention your significant other even in passing. Such a person deserves what is coming for you.

    Proof me wrong. Prove me wrong.

    • So what you are saying is that Eves and Adams should not enjoy the simple joys of life because they will have a “long drawn whine?” Life is for living,i think it does not matter if the nice moments that we have will last for ever,but it is only human ( or should be human) to appreciate and enjoy them when they come. So loosen up brother,see the little beauty ,no matter how little,it is a journey. not necessarily a destination.

      Fridah, we hope you will come back with more mushy stories,and not necessarily about this sailor …..and well,if it will be about the Sailor,it will still be worthy story- Have fun !

      • Up until seven months ago, we worked in the same office and I never got to make a pass on her because she is not my type. Two weeks ago, I saw her away from the work station dressed in a pretty dress and I got a painful hard on.

        I called her to my house and she came willingly and I made a pass at her and she told she would think about it and let me know. I texted her to come over a week ago and she texted back asking us to have a serious relationship and I responded that I have no intention of having such a thing. She responded back that she was grateful for my candor. Her word candor.

        She is no longer responding to my sms and not answering her phone. Supposing I had lied about the relationship. A long whinny story would have followed in some salon somewhere or a blog like this one or an evening with the girls.

        The impression I get, as a man, is that Fridah is looking for a relationship and the sailor wants a warm bed for the period of the docking. I am preparing my self, as a man, to read a long boring tale about the sailor’s sojourn.

        You all want to enjoy life’s simple pleasures, knock yourselves out. I guess the visitors to this blog do appreciate reading the emotional entanglements resulting in getting into a tango with a sailor type.

        I have added the caveat. Prove me wrong.

      • Mahe Mbuzi erm ahem…could you please pass on a little of the stuff you are smoking right now coz I’m a bit low on creative juice right now. Easy, easy, easy does it dude.

  3. Kidikibudi, do you like American Country music?

    Listen to the lyrics of the song TELL ME A LIE by the artist called SAMI JO. Here are my favorite parts words of the song in as far as this thread is concerned:
    Tell me a lie
    Don’t worry about my sorrows
    You will be long gone tomorrow
    And you won’t have to see me cry (tell me a lie)
    Tell me a lie (come on)
    Tell me that you need me
    And I’ll pretend that is real the way you want me to
    Please tell me a lie
    When you’re lying close beside me
    And whispering as you hold me tight
    sweet words like “I love you”
    Won’t you tell me a lie
    When night is and almost over
    Make it easy on us both when it’s time for you to go
    Come on tell me a lie
    Say you’d really like to stay
    Tell me just one more lie, you’ll be back one day

    The sailor will not have to see her cry he will be long gone. We get to hear the her crying part here on the blog.

    How about that for the stuff I am smoking?

  4. Mahe Mbuzi some of us have been shying away from leaving comments in fear of your discouraging ones.
    Here i am all prepared for your words.
    This blog, as i look forward to it every week, is for us, who will not mind the whining, the laughter, the very little things we crave for even from the mushy movies, so please give us a break and look for an appropriate blog to your needs.
    I personally think you are misplaced in this particular one!!
    Fridah that was a good post my dear sis and looking forward to part II
    Now Mahe have fun !!!

    • Finally.

      A person willing to speak honestly and from the heart. That is all I ever wanted.

      On several occasions, I have asked whether I am in the right blog and no one gave me an honest opinion.

      Well, I guess the creators of the blog will have to remove the Adam part from the title of the blog then all you ladies can have all the fun you want. Again, note that I do not comment on all threads but the ones that really suck.

      This particular thread is well told. What I despise is the impression that Adam was the one in the wrong for breaking one’s heart as if Eve was nothing but an angel.

      Well, we live in a democracy and if two more people want me out and are as brave and honest as you are in asking me to leave, I will remove the site from my weekly visits and cancel updates on my in box for P44.

  5. @Mahe, at what point did she give the impression Adam was the one in the wrong?

    “These unforgiving life experiences teach you that we are all fallible, we will make mistakes, your significant other is not the Almighty, hence will make mistakes; and when you realize this, sometimes it helps to gather yourself and move on.”

    That sounds pretty balanced to me, but I could be wrong. This is a well written post, bloody well written. You kept asking for more depth, well, here it is. What more do you want sir?

    Fridah, more of the same please.

    PS. Don’t evict Bwana Mahe just yet, his comments, though often infuriating, are not entirely without merit.

  6. I want to FEEL that pain. I want to SMELL that pain. I want to HEAR it and TOUCH it. If you are going to go mushy, mushy, do not do it half measure. Give us everything.

    Pain is going through his phone and seeing a message that YOU did not send saying last night was sweet. Lets do it again. Pain is walking into the bedroom and seeing him pumping and humping the nanny. Pain is getting an email with a video attached of him and the secretary going doggie style on the executive desk.

    Describe what you saw and heard then I will be able to feel your pain. Then a conversion will start here. Alex will give the secretary scene then Mimi will give sms scene while Joyce will give us the nanny scene. We get to touch touch it. Hear it.

    The men then will give us their version or reason or explanation on why the sms scene happens or why he had to do it with the nanny on your matrimonial bed and the game he was playing with the secretary. May be it is not bad in his opinion and until you describe it to him here and tell him and all Adams how bad it is, or the pain it causes, he will do it again. We will do it again. Up until then your next relationship will be a continuation of more pain. When does it stop? When?

    This blog has the Title: Restoring Sanity into relationships. Unless Adam is made to feel that that nanny business is insanity, he will not stop it. I mean he started doing it when he was sixteen and nobody ever told him it was bad until a teenage girl turns up on his door twenty years later requesting a copy of his ID and signature.

    Personally, I gave the Thing Women wear on their heads as one of things that cause men pain and most of you were in total agreement. Are you wearing it in your relationship? Do you know that your husband/fiance/beau hates it with a passion? Did you know the pain it caused before I informed you?

    When I read statements like your significant other is not the Almighty, hence will make mistakes; I cringe in horror. Let him or her and the entire world here know that that mistake is forgivable but extremely bad. Then he or she will not do it again.

    Now. To Fridah’s thread. She and her beau had a fight and she decides to go away. We get a brilliant piece describing her musings. Everything but the reason or what the fight itself was all about.

    Today, we get to know. OOOOO kumbe. They were breaking up. And now on the rebound, some sailor is about to play bandage to a bleeding heart. Another brilliantly put tale. Well, I wait episode two with anticipation. May she prove me wrong.

    • Bwana Mahe, you have to let Fridah tell her story the way she wants to tell her story. More detail needed? Perhaps, but perhaps not. Its hard enough coming to terms with a break-up without having to reveal all the gory details to a bunch of voyeuristic strangers looking for entertainment (that would be us btw). More importantly, different writers have different styles, and hers is not as, umm, exhibitionist? as yours. Leave her be, you’ve made your point (actually, you made it a couple of months back, but you get points for persistence…ha!).

      Incidentally, she has already revealed (most of) the details, in earlier posts, because her’s is an on going story, not an isolated event. Sometimes you have to read between the proverbial lines,and sometimes what’s not said is just as loud as what is said, no? (You’re going to say no aren’t you, because you’re a stubborn man?)

      • “………. a bunch of voyeuristic strangers looking for entertainment…….


        And on that note, I hence forth cease to post unsolicited comments on the Blog Eve and Adam, Restoring Sanity in Relationships. I had not actually noticed but it starts with Eve.

  7. Haha, @Mahegoat, usiende mahali. Baki papa hapa. After all, it’s not that those commenting have to necessarily agree with the author of the post. Divergent views reflect they dynamism of the human mind.

  8. @ Mahegoat,our goal is to talk about real issues in relationships,that is part of why on rare occasions, we blog about ourselves. I think you will agree with me that it takes a lot to put oneself ‘out there’- to blog about personal stuff such as a break-up. It is also great to share to share light moments, because life is full of all that too.
    We have never pretended to have all answers to the issues that afflict relationships; in fact we do not have answers. However, we are happy about people like you who read and leave a comment, but also about the ‘ghost readers’ who come to this blog every week, read and never leave a comment. I am sure they all read, not because we have cracked the secret code to ‘restore sanity’, but we hope somehow we contribute to that goal – hence the tag line. When Eve or Adam goes through these moments (breakups, meeting a special someone, bargaining about if the relationship is on track etc), they will always be reminded that many more have gone through the same through the same and dealt with it their own way.

    For sure we will sometimes write about stuff that you do not necessarily agree with, or in a different style than your preferred one, and you are of course welcome to comment and so are all the other bloggers – we do not have agree- so do not go anywhere yet!

  9. A lovely post – but the real ndrama is not on the high seas but is to be found in the comments section. Your sweet line about “flirting like little kids” reminds one of how hope springs eternal. I guess some of us are pessismists while some of us are not. I canna wait to read the second part.

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