“You have to open up to the world and learn optimism…Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimism.”- Jennifer Crusie
So this is what is going to happen here today, I will borrow a leaf from @Munene Gangi, be vulnerable, and blog about myself; not random musings – I promise – I do not want @Mahegoat to come back and yell at me like he did a while ago.
They say that for every door that closes, there is an open window and someone is encouraged to look at the window and not lament about the door that is shut. But let’s face it, it can be hard to recognize the window – let alone realize that it is open – when a door closes and all you hear is the sound of double latching after it has closed. I am talking about the end of a relationship. You see, when you have invested your all to build a relationship and then it does not work, it is not only your ego that takes a beating, the heart is left numb and sore. Remember the ode? Sometimes it feels like your heart has been ripped off your chest and someone has trampled on it over and over again.
I can only hope I am with people who have experienced this because now, I feel like there are people out making faces asking “Now, where is Fridah going with all this?”:) Come on! You know some of these break-ups can be bizarre; you cannot make head, tail or torso of what is going on. But I have to say that if you have been through one break-up, the subsequent ones do not hurt as bad, right? These unforgiving life experiences teach you that we are all fallible, we will make mistakes, your significant other is not the Almighty, hence will make mistakes; and when you realize this, sometimes it helps to gather yourself and move on.
So, a while ago, I went through a break-up. Like the post titled ‘The Song’, I was handed a new song, and honestly, I did not know how to ‘sing’ and I did not want to ‘sing’ that particular ‘song’. Some of these dark moments can be difficult to navigate! I have learnt that even when someone tries to remain afloat – getting on with daily life – even in the smiles and everyday chores, those who know you can still see the pain. And they will probe hard, wanting to know how you are holding up (if they know what you are going through) or why you “do not look yourself” (if they are aware of the kind of “incoherence” that has been unleashed on you. Good thing is that nothing lasts forever, light shines in the darkness!
My light came in the form of an old friend; I met this guy back in 2007, we had an instant connection, we became good friends but somehow, we knew that there was nothing much we could do with that connection. We were both clear about where we wanted to go in the next years; we were both going to be in different continents over a period of time. So we kept in touch, random emails and chats online but nothing serious. This communication would be punctuated by long periods of silence but also sometimes very random but meaningful communication. Of course in between, we met other people who caught our fancy, and we would talk about it but not details – everyone leading their life, pursuing their dream.
So you get why his random phone call, just a few weeks after a break-up is hence forth called the light. It was late at night, I had begun to see why the relationship in question had to come to an end and I have to say, I was beginning to step into a good place emotionally, my heartfelt lighter. So we talked, caught up and from then on, we exchanged texts, flirted like little kids but nothing specific. Soon, we were reconnected, and somehow, we were both aware of the feelings or are they emotions? It felt nice, natural and unforced. We had both evolve in more ways than one, kind of in a good zone as far as our goals were concerned and could tell that there was inner peace and sense of accomplishment. Distance was still a challenge, at this time I was in Kenya he was all over the seas of this world – sailing.
Sailor: I am coming home soon and I can’t wait to see you
Me: “Me too! When are you coming?”
Sailor: “In about one week and will come up to the village and meet you”
Me: “Wait, wait, my mum will see you and exclaim “My Lord liveth!”
Sailor: “Why would she say that?” More laughter.
Me: “Because if you come home, she will say you are the man that she has been praying for”
Sailor: “I believe I am”
Sailor: “Come on! You know the only reason why we are not together is not because we did not fancy each other; it is because we were at different points in our lives. Now we are both in a good place, I would like us to meet and have a chat about it, see if we can make our paths cross because sometimes you have to make things happen.”
No, my knees did not go weak, neither did my palms start to sweat; my heart continued beating, I guess because I was not sure what was going on. Why? you may ask. Well, I think when you have been through all kind of FOG, which includes being in relationships where you gave your all and the guy still metamorphosed into a weatherman, then you look around and hear “Adams are not willing to make commitment, they are normally led to the altar like sheep, kicking and screaming”, then you sort of believe that maybe I should make my own slaughter house and lead one of them there!
See, this guy sort of debunked all those myths about Adams not wanting to get committed and Eve has been made to believe that she must ‘fight’, beg even, for some attention and some kind of commitment from Adam. This is why I felt like I was not on this earth, like I had been launched into emhmmmhh ……..into Jupiter; that other planet where Adams are actually coherent, say what they want without making Eve feel like she needs to prove her worth or pass some rigorous interviews and tests.
After this chat with the sailor, I got on my Whatsapp and texted Joyce. I sent her a smile and she asks me what I am smiling about. I tell her “Jupiter”. She laughs and asks me what exactly it meant. I explained, she sends a smiley “rolling on the floor” and says, that is another code word added to our long list of stupid niceties in life. Then she quips, “So there are Adams who talks like that?” Then sends another ‘rolling on the floor’ smiley. Don’t you just love these friends, people who laugh or find beauty in little things in life?
Do not be fooled, Eves ( and even Adams), there are people out there, not necessarily in Jupiter but right here on this planet where we live and walk, who actually “talk like that” as in they want and plan stuff. This will probably make sense only to people who want some kind of commitment or relationships with some kind of clarity. So next time you are hanging around someone who is not clear about what they want, will not discuss anything in detail, and seems a bit allergic to long terms plans, then unless you are looking for temporal stuff, just look at them in the eye and tell them that you are heading to ‘Jupiter!’
Part two of this story will follow :).
Have a good week