Fighter!

My name is Django,”the ‘D’ is silent”. I am sure most of you have watched this movie. I did not watch it until last week, and I now know why people have been making fun when they say “he is now the president”, and then add, the ‘P’ is silent. I always laughed at that one and  now I am sure all  Kenyans reading  this are exclaiming “kuwa nyuma nayo”- something else which makes me chuckle every time I hear it – but I actually do not say it because it sounds lame. Hehehe

Anyway, I watched “Django Unchained” – great movie, well  acted and loaded with a lot of emotions; not only emotions about the  slavery – the discrimination and exploitation of  blacks – but also  emotions of  love and vivid images of endurance and commitment. I like Waltz (the dude who unchained Django), who won an award for his role, but I liked Django even more; what a fighter! ( yes Joyce, I like fighters). There was such firmness  and steadfastness in him; driven by his belief in love and marriage and I guess obviously, the  need to prove that a ‘nigger’ ain’t daft!; he walked across the United States  in  a bid to free his wife from a plantation owner. She is undoubtedly the beauty in the movie, but I do not think this is why he fought (although looks count, I guess, nay, I know so leave that “mwanamke ni tabia” cliché alone! hehehehe) but because he loved her.

As the movie wore on, I could not help but think about all stories I have heard about love and relationships, commitment or lack thereof and the inability of the parties to “fight”- mine included. Recently I saw a funny quote which said “we are so not breaking up”- and I was like ‘OK!, I think we are in the era where you do not just come and tell me we are breaking up!’ Back to Django, I wondered how a man  can endure so much, put  all that energy and thought to something that looks so insurmountable, and then compared it to most relationships where it seems as though we just give up – even when it is possible to “fight for it”. I thought about some dude I dated a while back. I wondered why he could not be like Django (I know it is a movie, so do not lecture me about it :)). By wondering why he could not be like Django, I am not saying that he should  saddle  a horse through a vast land (although that would would win him some small points) to look for me and declare undying love. OK, may be was not that into me, but hey!, a girl is allowed to wonder, no?

So this ex, I was committed to him, but I accept that yes, it was Skype, Yahoo! and G-talk kind of commitment – but heck I was! I mean, you do not endure chats over time zones if you ain’t got an ounce of commitment in you…or do you? I gave my all; I believe I did, because I believed in what I thought we shared. I also agree that communication was sometimes not easy and sometimes, it felt like “there had to be a different way”. We soldiered on but the inevitable happened: we broke up -mainly not because of distance but we were not seeing eye to eye about some issues. I think I have said it before, it helps –a lot – when two people who are in  a relationship share the same vision and goals of being in that relationship, because if you want different things, that means you are starting off on a different  footing, with varied expectations and that is already a red flag. Of course it depends on what the issues are – do not get me wrong but even Siamese twins are driven by different likes, wants and yearnings. fight3

So some days after the break up, the dude came back with those tired lines of ‘I miss you’, ‘I am in love with you‘, bla bla. ……..For some reason, I was numb; maybe it was just my stubborn self, maybe I was just exhausted from all the Skype calls and trying to make it work. I think a part of me also lost faith in us, I knew that if I accepted the advances, it would be the same drill again – enduring Skype chats which I could manage but to what end? I was kind of convinced that we were not meant to be. But also a part of me wanted him to show me that I was important, that he treasured me, but all I got were words but no actions to back those words up. So the more he talked, the more I wanted to run away, far away. In my view, he was too laid back and I was not sure what to think of all that.

So as I watched this movie, I could not help but wonder if I should have “fought”, but I also wondered why most men are not like Django – fighters. Why don’t they go out of their way even if it does not  seem ‘Adam like’. Now, you may be wondering  what wanting and fighting for someone would look like: Django has a strategy, a horse, there were some light weapons and I think something like a AK47 involved ( I would not have minded if my ex had wielded those as well ( kidding!), but you have to define what fighting to you is and if it is worth it ( all things considered).

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Talking of fighters,who watched the match between Andy Murray and Djokovic last night? That was superb tennis and Murray ended  Britain’s 77 year drought! You have to give it to andy-murray-wins-wimbledon-2013-1373217224-large-article-0a man who wins a title  in three consecutive straight sets – he sent Britain into “collective delirium”, said the BBC. That was sublime tennis, tantalizing! What a FIGHTER!

Have good week!

By Fridah

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10 thoughts on “Fighter!

  1. I will fight to the end of the world and back for you 😉 But will you dab my wounds with dettol when I win? Will this be forever or do I still need to keep fighting?

    • @aminuteerrands, good this warmed you up! It should 🙂
      @ Mackel, it will be forever, but from what i hear, the small and big things people do for each other when in a relationship contribute to a “fight” albeit indirectly.

  2. I love the fighting spirit in this article! That Django movie is a good one, could watch it again and again with very blind hope that Jamie Foxx will walk out of the screen with his hands propped on the gun ready to fight for me, help me up onto the saddle of that horse and we’d….ahem…..let me stop daydreaming ;).

    Fridah, I think sometimes we do not ‘fight’ enough for our relationships but what is more important is to recognize what is worth fighting for and what isn’t….

  3. Wewe Fridah, the time I was a fighter, you told me to be a firefighter, ati nipoeshe moto, haha. But I like the article alot. Taking from the Gambler lyrics by Kenny Rogers; You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away and know when to run… because the lady maybe waiting for the man to be a fighter, but the man thinks it’s not worth it any more, and vice versa. But for how long do you keep on being a fighter?

    • @Mimi and @Munene, thanks and you are right, what is worth fighting for and in fact what does fighting mean to a person……
      And for you Munene, I am still waiting for that piece about the statue that has remained defiant; because I think that is what you are referring to (chuckle)

  4. ‘…I knew that if I accepted the advances, it would be the same drill again’ Kudos for making that bold step not to pursue this worthless ‘fight’. A man worth his salt will fight for what he believes is his. But from what you say, I gather that you two probably differed on ‘major’ issues to be compatible. But there are reasons that may make a man, also, not be that expected ‘fighter’: if he feels this is not the relationship; if the girl seems to be the one steering the relationship…or if he already has what he wanted to remain around! Sounds crude but true.

  5. Interesting. Yes, perhaps you should have fought. Men could say much the same about women – most of them are also not fighters, especially in these tough economic times when many will run off when things are not rosy!

    Keep up the banter 🙂

  6. The sad reality is that few men are fighters…kwanza nowadays,they like to act sissy n be fought for,they like to be chased woe and to the less aggressive traditional sisters like yours truly.

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