The Joy of Dating

Jeez! It has been a while since I wrote; I am told that readers have been asking when our next post will be – or was this just Joyce’s push so I can put my ass down and write? :). I am trying not to make it another post on random musings, I am aiming to come up with something intelligent and worth the wait, but I am failing already!….but think about it, what would life be like if we just talked about serious stuff, without getting  into useless  unspecified and even unimportant banter once in awhile? Now you know, there will be random stuff ….:D

So first things first, I bear good news; the brown goat is pregnant! hehehehhe. I was home for a couple of weeks and was more than elated to know that soon, there will be an addition to the dream – a dream to have a few goats running around the compound, enough for me not to have any emotional attachment to the point that we can actually send one to its maker via our stomachs. I have to add that  Zawadi has also grown a lot, the kienyeji (local) chicken have increased in number (my mum decided to put a bit more effort after realizing that I was serious about that particular project!). The dream is still alive and this makes me happy because our (my family and I) efforts are somehow being rewarded.

Having said that, you know that every time I go home, I get accosted with questions revolving around the why not, if, and when of the plan to have an Adam by my side. So of course my aunt managed to get my sister to a corner, beat around the bush before finally asking, “You mean Fridah has been unable to capture a man?” Now when I heard the word capture, I was thinking of the act of holding a man hostage. With time (or is it age?), I got to that place where I do not worry about this eventuality (not holding the man hostage but when it will happen), so I learnt to take things easy. But these moments of “accostation” always get me thinking about relationships and “settling” down and this time, it got me thinking about what I miss /positive aspects of being in relationship. Being a believer in functional relationships, I came up with many positive reasons. Here is what I came up with:

There is the assurance that someone cares because that is what relationships should be or are all about. It instills the feeling deep inside, that someone actually asked you out or you asked someone out and they agreed. It generates a warm positive feeling just knowing that one is not alone in this journey. Maybe some of you will ask if we need someone to validate us by asking us out; honestly, I do not have answer to that – I just think it is a basic but positive thing and feeling. These things just rouse my romantic side (yes, apparently I have one, ask Alex). Then I realized that actually, the last time I dated (I mean real dating not those nimbus episodes which come and go) was more than 3 years ago! And before Mahegoat raises his fingers to the keyboard and asks what happened to the sailor, well, let me just say I did not say that we were dating, did I? hahahahaha. If you’re wondering what happened to the Lord of Chivalry – I told you that we did not date, right?

Back to the topic….there is the joy of planning a date or a moment to share together, although the other joy I think is not planning and letting the day just go by – now this is not exactly very common for me since most of my relationships ( did I say most?) have been long distance, so there is almost nothing to plan really, but all the same, there is that feeling and looking forward to something planned.

Then there is receiving gifts; this comes with a caveat because I have since learnt that many people in relationships are not so keen about gifts – maybe they are keen in the initial stages of a relationship but once it “settles”, they sought of become history – Adams please, start buying your Eves gifts, (OK! Eves too) no matter how small or big, there is a joy that comes from just opening a gift from a loved one.

The joy of sharing happy moments; you know those times when you say “guess what happened today”, with a grin on your face and your significant other’s eyes light up in expectation, just knowing that someone (and not your brother) will be excited for you is, in my view a nice fluffy feeling.

There is the Inspiration: every new relationship – at least one that starts on a good footing – inspires and brings a new bounce in the step, or at least it should. Sometimes this feels like a much needed jab has been given; suddenly, you are more interested in how this or that dress looks, there is more attention to detail and just looking, feeling and striving to be at your best. Many will say that it is all in the name of impressing your partner, but what’s wrong with that?

And then of course, knowing that someone will be there for your through thick and thin – well, this happens when you date a real Adam/Eve, not those ones who want to be there when things are nice and easy and take to the hills when you have issues to deal with. Even if it is just a phone call to ask how the day is going in the light of the issues you have to overcome, I think that is just great!

What do you think is the joy of dating?

Have a good week!

By Fridah


Described as the worst attack in Kenya since 1998, the events that unfolded at the Westgate Mall this Saturday and that continue to happen are harrowing – for lack of a better word. Some things happen and they remind us of human beings and the potential to personify evil. One tweet caught our attention,”when terror strikes, the world become becomes a nation” – so very true. There was an outpour of condemnation for the attack, but even more moving was the unity of purpose and refusing to be frightened and cowed, as demonstrated by the men and women who went out there to lend a hand and more so, seeing men and women in uniform, risking their all to rescue citizens and non-citizens!

Our condolences to all families who lost their loved ones, and quick recovery to all injured. We shall overcome!

By Project 44