We have all watched those romantic episodes and movies where people meet, fall in love but because of one circumstance or another (sometimes huge assumptions which seem to just make an ass of the character), they seem not destined to be together until some great revelation happens and either Eve or Adam runs to stop a moving train or even more tragically, to stop a wedding before the bride and groom say I do because “the one” is almost getting away. People run down hallways, aisles and platforms, waving their limbs energetically, gesturing at whatever is moving to stop – to stop and ‘save’ the one. At the weddings, whilst the Eve and Adam reunite and amorously embrace (it’s the movies), half the wedding party is left shocked, and not in a good way.
The end of the year is nigh and many of us are bound to look back and some of us are bound to think about the one that got away in the year gone. May be a very small handful of us. Now, there are some who would argue that there is no such thing as “the one”; that the one is the here and now – the Miss/Mrs or Mr Right is the one you are sharing your life with and if the shoe don’t fit, then you move on to the next one. The argument is that there are many “the ones” out there. However, there are those who believe in the “love of your life” theory; that there is someone you meet and with whom you have a magnetic, cardiac and even carnal connection that should and would last forever, even in the thereafter.
In instances of “the one that got away”, there are many reasons as to why the relationship or the germ of it made it come to an end. For obvious reasons, this situation often leaves someone wondering about what could have been, and maybe to some extent wondering if some mistakes were made. It be could your fault; or the other person’s fault or other circumstances (distance, social status, cosmic distortions, etc.) that kept you apart. You tell yourself, if only things had worked out between the pair of you. The ‘if’ can be a very difficult place to be emotionally – it is usually hinged on the good memories you have of being with that person and the fear of losing them for good, or even the realization that you were not really on the same page and you will probably never have them in your life as you have dreamt of many times.
Some of us could be in the category of people who find it very difficult to stop dwelling on ‘if’ and move on to other possibilities. There are those of us who may feel that they are in a situation where all is not lost and that the situation can be rescued. This means you are thinking of how you should get this person back and possibly living out your dreams with him or her. Depending on how long it’s been since you interacted with the one that you think got away, they could be married or in another relationship and not available anymore. Now, it takes MGM or 20th Century Fox balls to try and get back someone who is already married or in a relationship. The logical advice would be not to ruin someone’s relationship or marriage because of a missed chance or past mistake; imagine if you were in the other person’s shoes (no, not the one that got away but the one who is dating or married to the one that got away) – one word would come to mind – karma.
There are some circumstances where the one that thinks you got away is simply lusting after you. He/she comes back looking for you, fans the flames and if you ‘reignite’ but do not reunite, you are bound to be left feeling empty. However, we all know that there is a warning about flames of the past. When we meet someone with whom we were previously involved, we are bound to feel ‘something move (even tectonically shift) in us’, but this is not to be confused with having a connection, because in the first place, you are no longer together and although there is nothing wrong in reflecting and even momentarily being caught in thoughts (we said thoughts, not throes ;)) of times gone by, the fact of the matter is that you are not together. If you are going to rumble in the hay for that tectonic shift, then it is wise to know whether it is just that – especially if you are looking for something more.
Reflecting on some advice that has been given about past relationships and moving on, one writer said that sometimes, when we meet our exes or people we were emotionally involved with and then we realize that they have moved on or are well settled in new unions, we are bound to feel a void inside; this is especially so if we are still in the unattached category.
There is a saying that there are in fact no rules – because every relationship is unique. Suffice to say that there are situations where Eves and Adams who got away actually get the chance to get back together and some of these reunions turn out to be great. If you fall in the ‘if’ category and think you ought to give things a chance but you have not seen or communicated with each other for a while, it is wise to keep expectations in check – some things may have changed.
Obviously, these are personal decisions to make, based on all the facts about why the relationship ended. Maybe you are in that group which feels that yes, the person went away, but it is time to stop thinking about what would have been and look forward to new possibilities.
Whatever the case, may the coming year bring better horizons.
By Project 44
A few weeks ago, we hosted Renee (Perfectly Woman) and she recently graciously hosted us and so this week, we give you our bonus post at http://perfectlywoman.wordpress.com/2013/11/29/poles-and-dovetails/